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For me it's my absent mind

I mislay things each day

I once lost some pruners in June

And found them again the next may

I'm often seen looking around me

Looking like I have a plan

But really I'm only acting

I've forgotten where I am

Or what I was doing

Or what I had in my hand

The rellies say it's may age

Say that I'm losing my mind

But I say I've always been like this

So please don't be so unkind :)

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Now I"m becoming paranoid

I just gave my profile pic a lift

To make it less dark than it was

Frankly, I don't thing there's a shift

And I'd edited it in iPhoto so carefully

I think things will get better if I eat -

When things refuse to do what I want

I think I deserve a treat.....back soon

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Hmm, that didn't help, it still looks dark

Now I made my profile pic even lighter

It's definitely lighter on my profile page

But it hasn't changed here to be brighter


Update on the vegie garden:

I haven’t seen a possum for weeks

I spray every day with my concoction -

I'm not kidding, it certainly reeks:

Ten hot chilies and 8 garlic cloves

Boiled up and then left to cool

Dilute it by half and, Hey Presto!

Those possums now know, I’m no fool

They’ve taken their custom elsewhere

And my vegies haven’t taken offense

I like to think they are grateful…..

OK, I know that doesn’t make sense

But, like I said, I’m driven by rhythm & rhyme

Sometimes, I take liberties with fact

To find a word that will fit, in the line

I blame it on the creative act…..

The other day our youngest boy

Put my brew, on top of his salad

He’s really smart, but his head-space….

Is filled with boy stuff, like any young lad

I’m sure it was a mistake, because

The first thing anyone knew

He was chocking and spitting it out on his plate

Yes, he’d used my anti-possum brew

He turned as red as a beetroot

Oh, how we laughed till we cried!

What? It’s a tough old world out there

(We’re really caring, deep down inside)

I don’t think we were being unfair

Lads today, need to grow, a thick skin

It’s called ‘parental duty of care’ -

Isn’t that what you need, from your kin?

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Haven't done this thread for ages

I pop in and out as I do

But work tends to interfere

So there's less time to talk to you

As usual though gaps appear

Bank holidays have intervened

I added a day off to make it 5 days

So I have time to be on the scene

In the forum catching up on posts

From members, mods. and hosts

It's also fun to pop on this thread

And practice some rhyming and prose

When I've fended of obstacles

Life tends to throw

Which make it all a bit taxing

It's good to come here

Read and listen to songs

And partake in well earned relaxing

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Do you think I've overdone the lightness

Of my profile pic of old Jaffa?

I see that the sun's come out in Cornwall

My word Chris, you do look dapper!


I went with the middle way with my pic

No I'm not a Buddhist, not really

I do think they have a good philosophy

But some Buddhists can be very touchy-feely

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With our offspring we have to be tough

Mistakes can be made quite often

Like drinking a possum concoction

It's a way to learn the world's a rough place

Making no mistakes isn't an option :)

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Thanks for the compliment Carol

That jumper's my favourite apparel

My Mother sent it for Christmas

I didn't quite like it at first

But I 've grown quite fond of it now

And I know I've worn a lot worse

I'd shaved in that picture cut my hair

I did it on photoshop gave it a blur

It makes me look better I'm glad you concur

You're picture of Jaffa looks ok to me

She is a Labrador I assume

Their coat is quite bright

So light's up the room

The background is fine

And Jaffa's the focus

Don't think it needs

Any more hocus pocus

The sun has come out

But it is quite cold

It did get quite warm

But then some had snow

The weather's quite strange

Over here you know

But it's been nice down here

Throughout the Winter

And now it is spring

Some had it rough

But we missed it all

Moving to the English Riviera

Was a very good call :)

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I kept the pic in the middle

Not too heavy, and not too light

Eerr, I think that's a breakfast cereal

But no one gets everything right.....

It's about time I got even one thing right

My record appears to be slipping

I take comfort in knowing, my tall tales aren't true

But I do try to make them all gripping

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It's nice to get everything right

I like the allure of perfection

But it takes commitment

And perseverance

It can be tricky

And cause OCD

I do it at work

All tools in straight lines

Plants in neat rows

But I've never achieved it at home

My mind starts to wander

I squander my chances

And settle for something less perfect

I think I just switch off kick back my heels

And wonder if the effort is worth it

I'm sure it is worth all the work and the stress

But sometimes I accept second best and a rest.

I digress :)

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Tell me, young Chris

Do you still strum guitar?

Do you still yodel

Like a bird.....tra la la?

Do you still have to perch

On a dining room chair

Where you only get access

When nobody's there?

Did you ever join up

To the neighborhood choir

Big Ben as choir master...

Did you ever enquire....

I see the ghost of The Vicar of Dibley!

But I'm sure that cannot be right

Do they dither about in Cornwall

Wear Fair-isle knits, and look like a fright

Do they stammer and behave like twits?

Act the fool and play it for laughs

Scratch their head as if they've got nits

And like wearing their old school scarf?

In fact I remember the folk down in Cornwall

Though I was really quite small at the time

They were always friendly and helpful

And always treated us fine

There used to be a caravan-like pasty shop

On the harbour wall by the sea

They served great big pasties that were brilliant

We often ate them, instead of our tea.....

Do Brits call the evening meal 'Tea' anymore?

I think, some places in England do

At school we had dinner at 12 o'clock!

And then another, at 7pm too

We sometimes also had 'afternoon tea'

Which we had when we got home from school

Before going to the field across the road

To play soccer with the rest of the crew

Then back in time for dinner

Although that could be 'supper' as well

Then homework, homework, homework

Around ten was the knock-off bell

Then up every morning at 6 o'clock

On my bike in all kinds of weather

Down to the local paper shop

My paper sack, wasn't light as a feather!

Pick up my big sackful of 'news'

Stagger back up the hill on my bike,

Finish my Round by 7.30

A quick breakfast, then, the next hike -

Down to the place where the bus stops

I nearly always, had to run, for the bus

With tons of books in my satchel

I'm surprised I didn't end up in a truss.....

See what I mean about rhyming?

It so often leads me astray

It's amazing how such things happen

That's my excuse, what more can I say..

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Yeah I still strum my guitar everyday

But pick more these days

Playing Iris Dement songs

Wasteland of the free

And the good old, Our Town

Trip over some strings

Which can make me frown

But it's something different

Like fooling around

Don't have the chair

I've now got a stool

Well I've got two

One really high

And one really low

And I sit near the window

Strum as I go

People walk by

They can hear me play

It's like being on stage

With a window in the way

It's a way to cure stage fright

I hope they don't mind

Some said they like it

They are very kind.

No no no no no no no yes

Some folk wear fair isle sweaters

Apart from me, they keep you warm

And the patterns are pretty

Val Doonican wore them

In the seventies

He sat in his rocking chair

Singing a ballad or two

I have a rocking chair

Maybe that's what I should do

Some folks in Cornwall

Wear fisherman's smocks

The tourists all wear them

They're in all the shops

They also wear sailing gear

But none have a yacht

The Cornish are friendly

They're helpful and kind

They're over run by grockles

In the summertime

But they bring lots of money

So we don't really mind

Pasty's are tasty

The most famous are Ann's

They're out on the Lizard

It's a bit of a trek

But they are the tastiest

So it's worth the time

And they are well made

They taste really fine

The worst are Ginsters

All processed and soggy

They call them Cornish

But some are ashamed

That they use that name

As pasties go they are pretty lame

Some call dinner tea still

It's a habit these days

Not like the old days

Where high tea was served

To the rich and the famous

Who were more reserved

Most ordinary folk

Have lunch at work

And get home quite late

Tea plans are scuppered

By the time they get home

Dinner is supper

I used to do paper rounds

Those bags were heavy

I walked with mine

Sometimes used my bike

I'm sure my bad back

Was caused by the labour

Of posting newspapers

To all of the neighbours

I walked over walls

Stepped on flower beds

To make things quicker

And get ahead

The funniest thing though

Was posting the papers

Where dogs ran to the door

And barked out like savages

Then snatched the paper

And tore it to shreds

I hate the letter boxes

That had powerful springs

If your timing was wrong

Your hands would get trapped

Dogs, boxes, rain and weight

Made the job pretty crap.

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I quite enjoyed my paper round

I got to read up, on all of the news

I remember the time they hanged a guy

Even then, there were differing views

I was out on my round as the sun came up

And I knew that was when it would happen.....

Oh no! I can feel a dodgy rhyme coming on -

That's the usual time, when they snap'em :o

It affected me quite deeply

I was young and innocent at the time...

And, if you believe that, young Christopher

I could spin you any old line

In those days I was an athlete

I know, it's hard to credit

I used to throw the javelin

Then got junior boys to go and fetch it :)

The paper round helped with my fitness

Though I also did training at school

And again, on my own in the evenings

I had a circuit, around, Church Grove

It was exactly 1 mile, door to door

I really loved, the running on my own

See the moon, coming out from the clouds

You can really get into the zone

I was also prevailed on for a bit of heave-ho

'Cos no other girl, would do it -

Hefting a shot put as far as I could

If possible, into the second row....

I used to only train for Shot Put at home

'Cos it's not what a young girl does

Not if she fancies the guy 2 rows back

Who was sprouting the first signs of fuzz

I did my practice, in my Mum's vegie patch

But right at the place where it would land

Was my mum's best, prize winning rhubarb

If I'd hit it, I'd have had my bum tanned

If I concentrated well, I could clear it

Which helped with my progress, but then

One day, the inevitable happened -

It was pulped, except one spindly stem

I can't remember, what happened next

I think that's what can often occur

When a situation is too painful -

It's a blank and your memory defers

I got sidetracked away from the paper round....

I did hate getting up in the dark -

Freezing rain, and driving wind in your face

But in summer, it was a bit of a lark

My particular Round was a nice one

In the posher end of the Village

It was called the Village by everyone,

Now I can't think of a rhyme for village...

The houses, all had long driveways

With a letter box, set in the door

None of this yankee 'chuck it and run'

Which the Aussies do also - very poor!

So, I got fit while I was earning some money

Though, earning cash was what it was for

There were 2 steep hills, I had to peddle up

Which also helped, with keeping me warm.....

Mmmm, hot cross buns and coffee brewing - Bye

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Thought I'd try, to dust off my rhyming skills -

Such as they are - don't say it, I know!

It's been a while since I've been here

But I'll wing it, and see, how I go

Do I have news? well yes, in a way

I"ve been heads down, and beavering away

Working hard on my 2 new websites

And that takes up all of my day

I'm told that keeping busy

And straining the old grey matter

Helps to ward off dementia

When all of your brain cells get matted

On Friday I took the day off

And went in search of a bargain

I'd had my eye on an interface

I won't bore you with all the jargon (for the rhyme)

The MAudio Fast Track Pro

Was the one i wished to buy

There was a sale at the local store

So I thought I would give that one a try

But fate took a hand and stopped me

That model's been replaced with another -

Ugly design and a hundred bucks more

It took me a while to recover

The salesman got p%$^& when he asked me

'What are you thinking?'.....oh dear me...

So I told him "I'm thinking of going

And get what I want, somewhere else"....

I don't know why he suddenly lost interest

And walked away with a sneer

He's a salesman and should have been better

At giving me the best choice of gear

So I went to the other guitar store

And met Gabe and his mate 'Golden Ears'

I'm not kidding - I told him 'That's brilliant

'Cos Cloth Ears, is all I have, to test gear"

They didn't have that model either

But they showed me some other cool stuff

One was Focusrite Scarlet - which was funky

But first see, if reviews said, it's good enough

So back home for a cuppa

And some an online research.....

Oops -

Good reviews but no midi

Which would leave me in the lurch

But...worry not, dear friends

There was a Focusrite Saphire

Good reviews and plus Midi

And the price wasn't dire

On Monday I'll probably

Go back there and buy one

It's an up to date model

And it doesn't cost a ton

Since my old mac got fried

I've been unable to record

So watch out in the future

- No complaints - you've been warned

More squeaks and bum notes

Will be assailing your ears

You might think I'm exaggerating


It's always worse than you feared.

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Those Focusrites look cool

Kind of make you drool


You could fool around till your hearts content

It would be money well spent

What computer are you using these days?

Since the Mac went to it's grave

The mac's are so good for recording

But no fun if they don't behave

Good call on leaving the store

That guy sounds a bit of a bore

He should have been more circumspect

And kept you entertained

If an assistant can't offer alternatives

The customers won't be retained.

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I hadn't seen that posh site before

I checked it out here

Where it looks much less posh

The Scarlet one's here and here

And that looked really cute

But I"ll go with the midi model

I'd not heard of Focusrite before

But should make recording, a doddle

If you don't want the midi

The Scarlet looks a great deal

At only one-sixty bucks

It's a really good steal

It's cute and it's cool

With fancy green level lights

Lots of knobs and dials

To get recordings just right

I 'had' to buy a new mac

When the old one got fried

It came loaded with Lion

Which I found less than inspired

And my trusty old Tascam

Would not work with the new mac

So I've had to have an upgrade

To get my system back on track

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That is a pretty good site

I hadn't heard of focusrite

I'm looking for a new one myself

The creative's been a good tool

But it's time for something new

Have a brand new computer

An acer with plenty of ram

But the creative isn't so glam

It gives a good sound

But it's been around for a while

So maybe it's time for a change

Using the latest mixcraft these days

Which does more than others have done

That focusrite would fit my budget

So maybe it's the right one for me

Just bought a stompbox, plays through my amp

Sounds like a drum

Tap with your foot and the job is done

Good to keep time too, they're loads of fun.

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It's Saturday already

Where does the time fly?

I got the focusrite on Monday

But so far, not given it a try

It's still sitting in it's box, there

I'd hoped to set it up today

But I got a bit distracted

In all the usual ways....

I spent the afternoon learning

How to do some graphics editing

i found this you-beaut website

To make logos with no sweating

It's name is flamingtext.com

It has lots of lovely toys -

if you use the imagebot tool

You can really get creative

I have to make a banner logo

And be more innovative

For a Facebook Page I'm making

I've run out of anti-Facebook excuses....

Then a quick break for some baking

Then visitors came a-calling

And now it's half past five

I feel I've spent all day just stalling

Now I have to think about dinner

And feed the hungry hounds

A cup of tea if i'm lucky

After that I'll try some recording sounds.

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Hope the focusrite's out of the box

But it does sound like you have lots to do

Jubilee here all parties and stuff

Millions of people showing their love for the Queen

A vibrant scene with flags and processions

People basking in the Royal obsession

Torches and bunting pushing and shunting

To get to the front to see boats on the river

Shivering in rain and quivering with excitement

At boats on the Thames and a wave from Her Majesty

All saying wow at the splendor and pageantry

Queuing for hours to get to the lavatory

Street parties held all over the country

Elizabeth waving from Buckingham's balcony

Small plastic flags all waved in unison

Patriots praising the red white and blue again

60 years is a long time to reign

But now it's all over the madness, insanity

The street's being cleaned and the Queens got a cup of tea

And everyone else has returned to normality

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Yes I saw her Maj on the tele

Doing, what she does best -

60 years of duty

With not many days off for rest

To be frank, she looked a bit grim

Like she was very cold and tired

With stiff upper lip nailed firmly in place

But would rather be sitting by the fire....

Funny you should say

'Home in time for a cuppa'

I said a similar thing here in Oz:

Home in time for a supper

Of beans on toast by the tele

And watch the replay in comfort,

and then off to bed around midnight

With or without her consort...

Do you think they have separate bedrooms?

I think that they must do because

When that guy burst into her bedroom

It was staff who caught him, not Phil

I expect they each have a wing of their own

With their own staff, named Freddy and Bill....

Bill was actually an uncle of mine

Did I ever tell you that story?

He ran off one day with the downstairs maid

And had a son they called Rory McLory

I believe that Bill had a special small gnome

He kept at the end of his garden

I forget the details of how that turned out

It's my dementia, I do beg your pardon.


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Well the Jubilee's over but still a few lunches

Bunches of flags now sit in bin liners

And Liz puts her feet up on her royal recliner

She did look grim but responded to affection

Phil couldn't be there he got an infection

Headed to hospital for quiet reflection

And Liz soldiered on with her usual perfection

It's hard to have fun when a loved one's in pain

She could have said stop but duty came first

Phil's on the mend he's over the worst.

So it turned out ok that's the end of the verse :)

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Went for a bike ride to start keeping fit

Guitar doesn't do it, sit on my arse

Guitars work on arms but not other parts

Needed something that worked on my heart

So got on my bike then I departed

Saw the first hill wished I hadn't started

Legs started burning heart started drumming

Not as much fun as sitting down strumming

But it was nice and better than running

And coming back was more of a thrill

As riding back was mostly downhill

It was refreshing but slightly depressing

To find out I wasn't as fit as I thought

But a lesson's been taught

And I feel quite good

I'll do it next week I think that I should

It was an adventure, I can say it did thrill me

But next week I'll find a way that's less hilly

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You're in fine rhyming form

My old Cornish mate

It's goode to see you keeping up

With grand affairs of state

I apologise for my absence

I'll beat myself with a stick

Just to show I'm serious

And not the least bit imperious....

Did you notice how I got around

the need to rhyme with stick?

I threw in a rhyming couplet

But now I think I've stuffed it

Just goes to show how gloating

Can leave you quite unstuck.... :unsure:

I'll move on and try again

Don't get depressed

Now festivities are over

The Olympics are coming soon

To spread joy from York to Dover

Behind the fences and razor wire

The athletes will sweat and strain

And security cameras record you all

As you shelter from the rain

More troops in London for the games

Than all Brits who went to Iraq

Helicopters circling overhead

Disturb the ducks in the local park

Who has any tickets? No one knows

Most Poms will watch on the tele

But...I'm sure the Games will give you a lift

Like the Sydney Games did for us

No one really believed we could do it

We thought there'd be a terrible fuss

So we all were greatly surprised

When, not only did we manage to do it

They were actually a great success

And we even managed to marry off

One of our gel's, to a Prince!

That's not bad going for us Colonials

I don't know what's happening with my rhyming

I've lost track in the heat of the moment

That can happen when I set off on a rant

But it's late so I won't check back, and recant

'Go with the flow' is my motto today

Or, the devil take the hindmost, my mum used to say...

I've completely lost track, so I'll bail out right here

Bid you goode night, and Olympic goode cheer.

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Yes next stop the Olympics

It's TV for me

If you need a ticket

Ask the IOC

The members are selling

Their free tickets on

Ten times the price

I can't afford one

Most of the best seats

Went to large corporations

Backhanders to mates

And a sponsor or two

Who'll get a chance

To see Usain bolt winning

While the rest of us sleep

Through the synchronised swimming

Seems the richer you get

The more you get free

And you don't want to share that

Just throw out the scraps to the proletariat

I'm proud to be British

It's fun having the games

But all should be welcome

At an affordable price

We paid to create it

So it's not very nice

But all that aside it should be fun

Lift some depression

Give us a break

From the endless recession

Here's hoping the opening ceremony

Will work out ok it's a rural theme

The pictures look strange

A range of farm stock

And rolling hills

Like a chocolate box

I'm not one to knock it

That would just irk

They may scare the cows

With the fireworks

There may be a stampede

The consequences various

And the rest of the world

Will think it's hilarious

I'm sure it'll be fine

The product of Danny Boyle's mind

I won't make fun too much

That would be unkind

I hope it's a marvel

Hope people go wow

And pray that no one

Gets crushed by a cow.

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Yes Opening Ceremonies

Are a bit of a gamble

No one's ever sure

If success or a shambles

Will happen on the night

No one here had believed

We could actually do it

But it was clear from the start

That no one had blew it... :sweatdrop

I remember I was hulling

Some strawberries at the time

Or maybe it was green beans......


That guy on a horse

Charging into the stadium

Really set the scene

Like some white hot vanadium

Or maybe, super charged radium

With a slight touch of titanium

Or like the London Palladium

Or getting shot with a ray gun

Or some other goode clean fun

But I digress.....

I do hope it don't rain -

That would dampen festivities

And churn into a mud bath

For all the activities

Or else slip on a cow pat

To land face down with a splat

That would surely get a laugh

And a few tossing of hats

But a nightmare for the staff....

Isn't there a test match

Coming up soon?

I heard something vaguely

On the news this afternoon

It's odd to have a test match

At the same time as the Games

Maybe adding to the attractions

One of the Committee's aims?

I remember seeing Sebastian Coe

In the old days when he was younger

He was quite a dashing young man

I remember I thought at the time

And it didn't matter how fast he ran :)

But now he looks like any old coot

A bit passed it, now be-knighted, old man

Whatever the weather, I hope it goes well

That the athletes win their medals

And have some great stories to tell.

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Opening ceremonies are hard to nail yeah

It's hard to outdo China and Australia

We do have a fear it may end in failure

It's British these days to be a bit negative

Half of the nation have taken a sedative

And don't really care the Olympics are on

Keep on saying it will all go wrong

But they're just naysayers and not worth a listen

Seb. Coe and his band carry on their mission

Dodging the brickbats and cat calls from the downcast

Believe the Olympics will be a real blast

Advertise Britain and show it is great

It should be good fun I for one cannot wait

There is a test match on against the West Indies

But it's rained a lot and it is rather windy

They've swung a few bats but only fans showed an interest

Most seem more into football all watching the Euros

But it's not much fun as we lost don't you know

A penalty shoot out against the Italians

We don't do them well, we failed again

Our Olympians are better show us more metal

They're more likely to win us some of those gold medals

But England never will as they can't kick a ball

Past one man and two sticks

They haven't won anything since 1966 :)

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