Now that the chord buffs have all assembled (

)
Before I get into my problem, let me first explain my situation: I've got chops. I also understand the concept of intervals. But for all the good they're doing me, I might as well have fingers of liquorice and a brain of paste, because I can't seem to create any kind of accurate image of my fretboard in my head.
See, I have a long attention span, but a short memory. I can spend hours zonked out with my guitar playing absolutely anything, but have no idea what it is, and I want to change that.
About two months ago, I decided that maybe I should start trying to learn chords and their relationship with the fretboard, and what I can see so far is this:
Chords are scalar (ie, they ascend like a major scale)
Simple chords can be altered between Maj and Min by altering the third
Chord scale can be applied anywhere as long as they are in key (ie, the "Music Building Lesson", which is an interesting (and considerably more effective) take on a concept I'd been subjected to and arduously forced to learn when I was in grade 7)
Each chord scale has three majors, three minors, and a diminished
The third one is the one that's got my feet tangled. I'm not even positive if it's correct. And if it is correct,
how can one predict which chords are going to be major, minor, or diminished? Is there a constant that I could try to remember?
I'd greatly appretiate some insight on this matter; it would do my pasty, pasty brain a lot of good.
Holophonic dog howling at the moon / Lying with the dumb baby death at noon / I love this war cos I never lose / Cut me baby I just bleed booze ~ Zodiac Mindwarp