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MidnightRider

Can't Sleep

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Hey everyone, I haven't written in a while so I decided to write a quick song, I only spent 15-20min on it so I know it won't be perfect. I also tried not to be so rigid with a rhyming scheme and just let my thoughts flow. I plan on focusing on the instrumentals for this song too, so the lyrics are less vital than some songs. But I still want to make sure that I have quality lyrics for my music so any criticism is welcome. C4C

It’s 3:30 AM,

I’m awake again.

My mind is wandering,

I’m just following.

I only try to maintain,

Temporary psychosis got me feeling, insane.

I can’t sleep,

Like I’ve fallen through a dream.

Oh I can’t sleep,

My mind drifts through the deep.

I can’t sleep

Yes, I can’t sleep.

It’s 4:30 AM,

I’m awake again.

I don’t know what’s happening,

But I feel it taking me in.

In a prison of insomnia,

I feel okay,

And I fall away.

I can’t sleep,

Like I’ve fallen through a dream.

Oh I can’t sleep,

My mind drifts through the deep.

I can’t sleep

Yes, I can’t sleep.

It’s 3:30 AM,

I’m awake again.

While dreaming I see,

Only you and me.

As I fall away from here.

I can’t sleep,

Like I’ve fallen through a dream.

Oh I can’t sleep,

My mind drifts through the deep.

I can’t sleep

Yes, I can’t sleep.

Thanks guys.

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carol m    64

It's looking good midnightrider. A lot will depend on the music and how you fit the lyrics into it. It sounds as if you would be running the lines over and not necessarily sticking to a rigid 4 bar or 2 bar per line structure and that can sound good.

I wonder about the last line of the first verse - maybe 'temporary psychosis' is a bit wordy? but wait and see what others think - there are no rules. That line might be difficult to sing, but like I said it all depends on how the music and words fit together. Excellent start!

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Lcjones    8

I have a book titled " The Jot 'Em Down Store". It's an old book. It's funny.

To my point.

The lyric goes no where. Each verse is reiteration of the previous verse. OK. You can't sleep. And? OK. You are dreaming. And?

The most important part of this lyric *IS* the dream. We all have dreams. Some suffer insomnia. What is unique about your dreaming and insomnia?

And that is the key...... uniqueness....

I understand working on the melody and creating a melody to whoosh listeners off their feet. But when you add lyrics to the melody, the lyrics must be as powerful as the melody.

Don't scrimp and save.

:)

**

LC

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