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Lcjones

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Lcjones    8

**

Please.... your thoughts....

***

[V1]

I sent you a card for your birthday

Called you on the phone

Apparently the mail's not running

And I suppose you're not at home

[Chorus]

In the rain I get wet

I could feign I'm dry

But that wouldn't be true

Between the splatters, I'm missing you

[V2]

I set a candle on the window sill

The flame brightened the night

But you weren't here to share

The flickering of the light

[Chorus]

[V3]

There's a cloud wrapped around me

I'm ensconced in the grey

The carriage finally came

All I know is you went away

[Chorus]

**

LC

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carol m    64

Clever angle Les, especially the first verse. I'm wondering about the word 'apparently' in a song. I know that idea of 'not getting it' is what gives it the twist, but (depending on the music/rythmn)

'It seems the mail's not running'

which still has the same idea, but then you have a lot of 's's with 'suppose' coming in the next line.

You could maybe change it to

'And I guess you're not at home'

only one less 's' but it seems to flow better to me.

And...is 'carriage' something that the mail comes in in the states? I've not heard that phrase in Aus.

As you know, Les, I won't mind in the least if you disagree. :)

PS You have a whole swag of spammers lurking down at the bottom of this thread (active users) so - GO AWAY SPAMMERS!

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knight46    2

Nice start Les. I like the imagery and flow but have a little trouble with "ensconced". Maybe "covered in the gray" or "surrounded by the gray" would be less...something.

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Lcjones    8

Ok.... well. one thing's led to another. :) While rewriting the above lyrics, this one popped out. And this one is the replacement of the above lyric. The lyric is pretty much done. I like it the way it is. But please, feel free to make suggestions as they never hurt!

A first draft recording is done. It's not very good. But it will give you and idea where I'm heading. Think Jangle Pop from the 80's. Obscure British jangle pop. I haven't done many vocals of late so pardin the rusty voice. :)

http://chapmanjones.com/mp3/Live_For_Romance.mp3 (8.3meg)

I've included chords for those that might like to try it on for size. :

Let's Live For Romance

Chapman Jones 08/2009

[V1]

G................................G/C.......

I can't help but think about

G........................................G/C.

The way your eyes look into mine

G............................G/C....

It drives me to distraction

G...........................................G/C....

Like rain drops on the River Tyne

[Chorus]

Am.....................C.....................D

Let's not leave anything to chance

Am....................C...............D

Let's hold each other and live for romance

G...................C..................G...............Em

Lets find the melody that makes us dance

C...................G......C..............D

Let's love to live for true romance

[V2]

Twilight brings the evening star

So radiant against your hair

I want to take you on a carriage ride

To places far away so fair

[Chorus]

Let's not leave anything to chance

Let's hold each other and live for romance

Lets find the melody that makes us dance

Let's love to live for true romance

[solo]

[bridge]

Bm...................................C..................

And all the faerie tales we've ever read

Bm.................................C......................D

Despite the monsters lovers always wed

[V3]

I know my heart will break apart

If you decide to abandon me

I can't contemplate the thought

I'd rather drown in the sea

[Chorus]

Let's not leave anything to chance

Let's hold each other and live for romance

Lets find the melody that makes us dance

Let's love to live for true romance

**

As always, thanks for getting this far!

LC

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carol m    64

I really like that Les, had me singing along. :claping:

The lyrics fit well to the tune. I can't even think of a nit-pic. When I read them first before I listened, I wondered about the line

'I can't contemplate the thought' but in fact it fits well to the tune. Excellent.

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Lcjones    8

Thanks guys!

By the way, this song has led to something very interesting business-wise. I'll let you know what happens.

Suffice it to say, I'm excited enough to blow off work today!

**

LC

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carol m    64

By the way, this song has led to something very interesting business-wise. I'll let you know what happens.

LC

Sounds promising, can't wait to hear.

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