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Nutty

Need help with lyrics.

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A friend put together lyrics for her first song and has asked me to write music for it. She did a good job, but I'm having trouble with some of it (mainly the 2nd and 3rd verses) because they are very wordy and have more measures than the first verse. I suggested cutting it down and she said it was okay as long as the thought was still there. Lyrics aren't my strong point, so I could use some help from the experts here.

Thanks.

Annette

Mysteriously Blue

Living with you, caring for me

Isn’t the way I felt it should be

As we grow older, wiser and sure

I believed in my heart that life would be free

From the torment, the agonizing insanity

But the world isn’t changing, it’s locked up in greed

Chorus:

Sometimes it’s bliss being here with you

Sometimes it’s wondrous and true

But most times it’s a struggle to wake in the moment

That causes my world to unwind

I just feel mysteriously blue

The seasons are changing too fast

I thought our time together would last

We have it all, all that we want is here

Playing together, laughing and holding

Onto yesterdays dream

But it’s slipping away, floating away

Down a troubling and winding gray stream

Chorus

I want it all to be like days gone by

People sharing, caring and who try

To be the best they can be, no matter the

Work it takes to get there

But not at the cost of a lie

You’re all I have left to hold onto

To bring me peace and clear my mind

Chorus

Chorus

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Okay, I decided to take a stab at it. I also have a tune in mind, so hopefully I can record a scratch track later tonight. Having the tune may help with changing the lyrics.

Annette

Mysteriously Blue

Living with you, caring for me

Isn’t the way I felt it should be

As we grow older, wiser and sure

I believed in my heart that life would be free

From the torment and the insanity

But the world hasn't changed, it’s locked up in greed

Chorus:

Sometimes it’s bliss being here with you

Sometimes it’s wondrous and true

But most times it’s a struggle to wake in the moment

That causes my world to unwind

I just feel mysteriously blue

The seasons are changing too fast

I thought our time together would last

We have it all; all we want is here

We're playing, laughing, holding yesterdays dream

But it’s slipping away, floating away

Down a troubling, winding gray stream

Chorus

I want it all to be like days gone by

Sharing, caring, people trying hard

To be the best they can be,

But not at the cost of a lie

You’re all I have left to hold onto

To bring me peace and clear my mind

Chorus

Chorus

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You've done a nice job on the rewrite, Nutty. I find it very difficult to sing something so freeform. When it is done well, it seems to take the song to another level, but it takes a lot of skill.

If you feel that you can do this in a way that others can relate too, then go for it - I'd really like to hear it.

For me, though, I woud have to rewrite the poem into a song. By that I mean that for me, it would need it to be in a repeatable predictable rhyming scheme. The rhymes don't have to be exact - sometimes it feels contrived when the rhymes are too close and simple, but there should be a rhyming scheme.

And it makes it much easier to write music if the verses are the same length. For interest, you can add a bridge that uses a different rhyming structure.

Maybe Les can give some advice.

Good luck with this Nutty. And it's great to her from you again.

-Doug

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Good to see you around again Annette, with an interesting song, if it was mine I wouldn't change much, the only bit that jumps out at me at the moment is in the first verse

Living with you, caring for me

Isn’t the way I felt it should be

As we grow older, wiser and sure

I believed in my heart that life would be free

From the torment and the insanity

But the world hasn't changed, it’s locked up in greed

I personally would change that line and have this

Living with you, caring for me

Isn’t the way I felt it should be

As we grow older, wiser and sure

I believed in my heart that life would be free

From the torment, the pain, the insanity

But the world hasn't changed, it’s locked up in greed

The rhyme with pain and changed makes it flow better for me but it does depend how you feel about it when you sing it.

Look forward to hearing this Annette, love the title too sometimes we all feel Mysteriously Blue.

Best Wishes

Chris

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Hi Nutty, good to see you back:) This looks like a good song in the making. Chris had a go at the first verse which leaves the rest for me! I know you know that I won't mind at all if my suggestions don't work. Much depends on the tune you have in mind and how you can fit the lyrics to the music. My suggestions are only about how it might flow better, or be easier to sing. Use what you like, and don't bother with anything that doesn't.

Your Chorus:

Sometimes it’s bliss being here with you

Sometimes it’s wondrous and true

But most times it’s a struggle to wake in the moment

That causes my world to unwind

I just feel mysteriously blue

Your v2

The seasons are changing too fast

I thought our time together would last

We have it all; all we want is here

We're playing, laughing, holding yesterdays dream

But it’s slipping away, floating away

Down a troubling, winding gray stream

Your v3

I want it all to be like days gone by

Sharing, caring, people trying hard

To be the best they can be,

But not at the cost of a lie

You’re all I have left to hold onto

To bring me peace and clear my mind

-------------------------------------------------------

My ideas on chorus

Sometimes it’s bliss to be here with you

Sometimes it’s wondrous, sometimes it's true

But most times we struggle to wake in the moment

That's when my world begins to unwind

That's when I feel mysteriously blue

My ideas on v2

The seasons are changing too fast

I thought our time together would last

We have it all; all we need is (right) here - is it easier to sing 'need' instead of 'want' here eg We have all we need, we have it all (or right) here (because 2 'all's' together -?difficult to sing)

We play, we laugh, we hold yesterdays dream

But it’s slipping away, floating away

Down a (misty) winding gray stream - depending on the music you could omit one of these adjectives altogether if it fits better. I thought 'troubling' would be difficult to sing.

My ideas v3

I want it all to be like days gone by

Sharing and caring, when people tried hard - depending on your music this maybe flows better?

To be the best, the best they could be, ditto here

But not at the cost of a lie

You’re all I have left to hold onto (my love) - again only if it flows better.

To bring me peace and clear my mind

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I re-read my post from earlier and it may sound more negative than I meant it to be. I think these lyrics have a lot of potential and both Chris and Carol's ideas are great.

Looking forward to hearing it, Annette.

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Thanks Doug, Chris and Carol.

I had a go at it Friday night before we left for a home visit, but I didn't have a good enough track to post it.

I will definitely have a go at your suggestions and hope to have a version up, with music, in the next couple of days. I want to do a good job for her. Her husband did all the mixing for me on my first CD, so I want to do the best I can.

I knew you(s) would come through for me.

Thank You.

Annette

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I knew you(s) would come through for me.

No worries Annette, it's fun, and if you don't like any of the suggestions, no one will mind. :)

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Annette,

Good lyrics to start with and some great suggestions from Chris and Carol. I understand and agree with Doug's comments, it is normally easier to get a natural flow from lyrics written in a rhyme scheme, even one that is not strictly bound. And I like the way these lyrics flow but would love to hear the music before making any suggestions.

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Okay, I finally got around to recording a track of the song. This is really rough. I through in some harmony at the end, but I need to do a better job on that. Also, I messed up the last line of the 3rd chorus, but you get the idea. I haven't added any FX or anything yet.

Thanks. I look forward to your feedback.

Annette

mysteriouslyblue.mp3

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That's beginning to sound good Annette. I like how the chorus comes in and the melody etc is different to make it the focus and main point of the song. I'm glad our suggestions were useful, but it wouldn't have mattered if you hadn't used them, or if you'd changed them around to fit :winkthumb:

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