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Lcjones

Meant To Be --- an original

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Lcjones    8

Folks,

I thought I had posted this but maybe I didn't. I wrote this some time ago. I'll be posting the first draft and revised lyrics. This will be going on the Break Heart Trail CD. This is a demo version and not a finished product.

If you have the time, I'd like a from the heart, what turns your crank critique. Nail it to the wall. You aren't going to hurt my feelings. You will make me a better lyricist.

**

Revised Lyric

Meant To Be [3.5MB@3:37]

© Chapman Jones 06-09/2007

Current Lyrics

[V-1]

I have a fantasy you and I will be one

I know it's fate and it can not be undone

I’ve written a book of lovers poems I wanna to read to you

Every verse is written to show my love is true

[V-2]

My heart is pounding at the thought of losing you

If the words don’t come out right I don’t know what I’ll do

I hope beyond all hope you’ll believe what I have to say

If you don’t understand my heart will die today

[Chorus]

Can you turn my blue into bliss

Liberate my loneliness with a kiss

My heart never lies to me

My heart never lies to me

You will do what you have to do

But I guarantee

We were meant to be

[V-3]

As I pen my poems to catch your heart

I search for lines in the pitch black dark

I have these thoughts in the back of my head

They kill me to the point of almost being dead

I'll never write another lovers rhyme

If you turn away from me one more time

[Chorus]

Can you turn my blue into bliss

Liberate my loneliness with a kiss

My heart never lies to me

My heart never lies to me

You will do what you have to do

But I guarantee

We were meant to be

***

Original First Draft Lyrics..

[V-1]

I’ve got a feeling you and I will be one

It must be fate and it can not be undone

I’ve written a book of things I wanna to say to you

(And) Every single word I wrote is true

[V-2]

My heart is pounding at the thought of losing you

If the words don’t come out right I don’t know what I’ll do

I hope beyond all hope you’ll believe what I have to say

(And)If you don’t understand my heart will turn to clay

[Chorus]

Can you turn my blue into bliss

Turn my loneliness to a kiss

My heart never lies to me

My heart never lies to me

You will do what you have to do

But I guarantee

We were meant to be

[V-3]

As I pen my poems to catch your heart

I fear you’ll laugh and tear me apart

I have these thoughts in the back of my head

They kill me to the point of almost being dead

Love is in every single verse I write

If you read them you'll know that I'm right

[Chorus]

Can you turn my blue into bliss

Turn my loneliness to a kiss

My heart never lies to me

My heart never lies to me

You will do what you have to do

But I guarantee

We were meant to be

***

As always, thanks for getting this far...

**

LC

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Hey Les, I still have this on my soundclick station, and do listen to it quite often. It was a great learning experience watching you put this together in the "just say it" thread.

My only critique would be the last line of V-3{revised}, to me it sounds as though she has left him before, which goes against{in my mind} the first line of the tune in which the singer is referring to a fantasy of being together. And if I'm hearing/reading that wrong, then the second line of the first verse doesn't seem to fit right. Maybe second line could be something like...I know its fate and it "should" not be undone.

Just my thoughts Les....its a great little tune :thumbup1:

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carol m    64

Great tune, and I like that descending bass line a lot. When I listen to line 2 verse 1 the phrasing of words and syllables sounds a bit awkward to me. You emphasise the 'can not" as 2 separate words with a pause between which is not how we are used to hearing it in real life and interrupts the flow for me. Whereas if you phrased it as a single syllable "can't" and adjusted the other words to fit around it I think it might sound better? Only a small thing but it comes right near the beginning of the song when people are probably listening more closely.

Just an idea. I really like everything about the song though. A good one (as usual).

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knight46    2

Les,

Very well put together, good melody and flow.

It seems to me that in the first verse there is the expectation of being together and this does not preclude the fact that they have already been together at one time, just that they will be together again at some time, therefore for me V1 and V3 fit.

I would never presume to critique someone of your ability (not smoke I assure you) but in truth I have some problem with the analogy, "They kill me to the point of almost being dead". Not sure how I feel about this yet.

Great tune, lyrics, playing, singing and production...I give it two thumbs up :winkthumb: :winkthumb:

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Lcjones    8

Thanks folks for taking the time.

I appreciate your comments. All are valid and well thought out. It's really an interesting process to see what is found and the input offered to correct things.

Well done guys!

**

LC

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hearinvoices    12

Hey LC I just came across this. I really like the flow of it. I know its an older post but I have only been a member since the beginning of this year so I'm posting a late post on it lol. Nice job .

Johnny

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Lcjones    8

Thanks hearingvoices ....

hmmm... i'll have to find this tune .... I'm sure it morphed into something else.... thanks for having a listen :)

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solidwalnut    5

Hi Les--

I saw the thread and then clicked on the link to the mp3. Got a 404 page. Then I looked to see how old this thread was, and now it's no wonder!

Anyway, I always enjoy your writing and playing. You have the story telling gift, and it finds a home in a folk/country sing song. Sometimes it reminds me of Larry Groce (Junk Food Junkie)! ha

The form of the lyrics on this one got me thinking. I know this has probably morphed into something else, but here's my .02:

In much of the stuff that I've seen you write, you don't branch out much from AABB. I know that that probably works for you, but I wonder if you tried to break away from AABB that it might inspire. I know that form works for your preferred style, though. But I feel like many of your rhymes in this one seemed trite or forced. Very conversational, though, which you really have a gift for.

Kudos to you and your upcoming project. Lookin' forward to hearing more of it.

Steve

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Lcjones    8

Hey Steve,

Wow.... deep cuts! :) I haven't thought of this tune in a while. I dug it back out. Here it is in it's full and final glory before it found life on the dusty shelf .. http://www.chapmanjones.com/mp3/meant_to_be-4.mp3 . This was done during a few minutes of what I call my "wish-I-was-younger-so-I-could-be-a-pop-star" stage. :) LOL ... Fortunately, I didn't go that way!

Rhymes and rhyming schemes. Wow. That's a big part of my songwriting and for anyone listening in, it should be part of yours too. I can't stress enough how important rhymes are in song. Anyone who knows me and my writing knows I'm a rhyme freak. For the most part, I always go for the "perfect" rhyme. Every once in a while I'll shake things up and throw in a non-perfect rhyme.

AABB//ABAB//ABCB .... Yeah, Steve, my writings do tend to hit the AABB or ABCB style of scheme. I was sitting here trying to understand how or why I go that way. It's most certainly a "comfort" thing for me. That's my zone I suppose. I mean, especially the AABB scheme. It just feels right to me. And I feel totally awkward in writing lines that don't rhyme. I particularly love to write internal rhymes. Sometimes that's really hard to do. Gordon Lightfoot and John Prine are great examples of "how" to write internal rhymes. One of my favorite tunes though, that I've written, uses an AABA scheme. It's titled "The Backside Of You". Can't remember if it's posted here or not. I'll dig it out and post it as it's going on the new album.

And for those listening in, I'm just a nut for rhymes. But non-rhyming lyrics are just as good and have just as much impact as rhyming lyrics do. So don't worry too much about whether you write one way or the other. Write what feels good. But I think the most important aspect to either way is to write in a conversational manner. I mean, write like you would say it. Natural speak, as it were.

Contrivance. Yes. Oh what a problem that is! Getting outside of contrived lyrics is definitely a goal to work toward. I've studied long and hard on the "Nashville" hit tune writing machine. I have a good contact in N-ville now and we've been writing a few things together. He's a singer song/writer and is knee deep into Nashville writing scene. Folks need to realize, N-ville is loaded to the hilt with professional writers who do nothing but write lyrics all day long for other people to sing. Talk about some pressure! And contrived lyrics! The vast majority of lyrics coming out of Nashville are "contrived". It's all made up. It's all smoke and mirrors. But the difference is, these pro writers know how to not sound contrived. They know how to craft lyrics. They know how to manipulate words to remove that "contrived" nuance. Because when they write, they write to and for the singer. For example, pick a singer, any singer. When a songwriter decides to write for a singer, such as Clint Black, that songwriter has studied the way Clint talks, how he sings, how he stresses his words. That songwriter knows how Clint talks in everyday conversation and knows exactly how he would phrase a word. And whether or not Clint would even use that word! The writers want to make sure Clint is "totally" comfortable singing the lyric. Those writers want a hit tune just as bad, if not more than, Clint does! Bottom line is writers, when you write, write for the singer. And if you are the singer AND writer, then you're a step ahead of the game. Just write what feels naturally right! :)

I'm glad you dug up this old song of mine. It is a great example on how not to write a lyric. In retrospect, it is so forced, it's incredible! :) ..... and I could go on ..... and on........ but .....

Steve, thanks!!!!!!

**

LC

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solidwalnut    5

Les--

What a great summary of a great way to write! I hope things are going your way these days with songwriting. Just like guitar playing, it's so often about the journey and what you learn from it rather than trying to 'arrive'. Good comments on conversational writing. You just don't hear to much about that. Critiquers just figure you know what they mean when they say that, but your comments on actually writing for the singer in the way that they converse is just a priceless comment.

And contrivance and triteness is such a tough thing to get away from. But I think that really goes back to writing in a conversational manner: when we talk we don't like to say the same things as everyone else says most of the time. We want to be original and get the meaning across in our own way and in the way we would speak. Same with writing a lyric. We just often feel boxed in the corner because of trying to be perfect with rhymes.

On the other hand, trying to be original doesn't necessarily mean using three-syllable and other weird words. Simple is great.

I know that I tend to be stuck on writing in the ABAB mode most of the time. I try to shake it up by writing ABCB.

I like your dusty shelf version and the use of the pause. Good music writing as well.

Thanks Les!

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Lcjones    8

hearinvoices (I can dig it)

Thanks for your thoughts and interest. I'll make a effort to post more.

Carol, .. B28 .... if you only knew :) ... heck, if I only knew! (contrivance)

Knight-mon .... No doubt! And that was the easiest verse to write. Go figure! LOL

Steve, thanks for your comments. I would never have pulled that song out again. Ever. But you know, it's good to pull out the old and reflect upon it. I'm going to say it's mandatory to go back and critique yourself. Let me rephrase. It's mandatory to go back and realize how you have, or have not, progressed. When I review one of my writings from two or three years ago, it is only then, that I see where my mistakes were. It is only then I realize that I have learned from those mistakes and capitalized on them.

Cheers

**

LC

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solidwalnut    5
...Steve, thanks for your comments. I would never have pulled that song out again. Ever. But you know, it's good to pull out the old and reflect upon it. I'm going to say it's mandatory to go back and critique yourself. Let me rephrase. It's mandatory to go back and realize how you have, or have not, progressed. When I review one of my writings from two or three years ago, it is only then, that I see where my mistakes were. It is only then I realize that I have learned from those mistakes and capitalized on them.

Righteous way of thinking, Les. Hone the craft. Let the craft serve the inspiration.

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