[Lcjones]

Folks,

Wrote and recorded this tonight. It's a first round tune. I need to refine the melodies a bit and the mix is, well lacking. I've got a nasty burn on my index fret finger so I hope you don't mind a few whacked notes. But you can't stop the muse once she pulls up a chair! It's gonna be a couple weeks before my finger healed up and then I'll re-record it. I just wanted to get it down tonight .... ack.... I got my volumes trashed ..... ahh...next time....

It's Too Hard - HiFi [3.9Mb @ 4:03]
It's Too Hard - LoFi [1.8Mb @ 4:03]

Let me know what you think of the tune overall. Your thoughts on the lyrics would be great too. Appreciate it!

Chapman Jones 09-15-06 ASCAP
********************************
It's Too Hard

[V1]
I went swimming in your eyes
Melted like ice in your hand
Crumbled by the force of your kiss
My heart overflowed like a broken dam

[Chorus]
I don't want to go there again
I don't want to go there again
It's too hard
To find my way
Back home

[V2]
I wrote songs about our love
And sang them under trees
Painted pictures of your face
Your hair would stir in the slightest breeze

[Chorus]
I don't want to go there again
I don't want to go there again
It's too hard
To find my way
Back home

[Melodic Break]
Em /Bm /C /D [maybe some slide work]

[V3]
I left my heart with you
I won't need it any time soon
Find a shelf to place it on
Keep it in the shadows of an autumn moon

[Chorus]
I don't want to go there again
I don't want to go there again
It's too hard
To find my way
Back home

[Tag]
It's too hard
To find my way
Back home

**
As always, thanks for getting this far!

Les

[coldethyl]

Still sounds great to me Les, and I thought the lyrics were well written too!

Burnt index (fretting) finger.......OUCH!
I hope your finger gets better mate.

[allthumbs]

I am almost afraid to say anything I.C. Cause It sounds like I am being super critical when I am trying to be helpful. Let me know if I am going overboard on this. You know how obsessed I am about words.
You have a real Tom Petty feel to this tune. So much in fact that I would be concerned with the last 3 lines in your chorus. They are dead on in cadence and melody to a Petty song. I don't know if that is ok or not.

The first verse seems a little forced to my ear.
The second verse, you changed the focus in the last line from you to her. You could change it to We wrote or sang.....I painted.... I get an image of you under a tree instead of sitting or sprawling under a tree, if you get what I am saying. Could be just me.

I get what your going for. The guy has been hurt before so he is a little scared to commit to his feelings. Is that how the Autumn moon heart verse fits in. Autumn being about endings. He is going to take back his heart after the break up or is it about love not returned. It could be just me, but I think you need a line that makes the underlying theme a little more evident. I had to read through the lyrics 2 or 3 times and think about it to get a feel about what was going on.

I really do like your tune and the sentiment. I look forward to hearing the finished piece. As always feel free to throw out everything I have said or keep what is useful. Songwriting is so subjective, but I know you are writing from a commercial standpoint so the criteria is much more finicky.

[Lcjones]

Originally Posted by allthumbs

I am almost afraid to say anything L.C. Cause It sounds like I am being super critical when I am trying to be helpful. Let me know if I am going overboard on this. You know how obsessed I am about words.

No need to worry M. Thought I'd throw this in before it goes South.

You have a real Tom Petty feel to this tune. So much in fact that I would be concerned with the last 3 lines in your chorus. They are dead on in cadence and melody to a Petty song. I don't know if that is ok or not.

Hmm, yeah, I knew it was real similar .... I don't know what song it was so I kinda left it in there. If you know which TPaTH tune that was, let me know please.

I do think it needs a bridge. Hmmm, first verse forced? Can you expound? Although, the "melted like ice" is kind of a twister....

well, all in all, work to be done!

Re: Pettyness.....

For sure, I'm a Petty listener. I listen to Petty now as I listened to Dylan 35 years ago. Learning the nuances in his melodies.

I'm dead set in using the "semi-pop" jangle tones of the HeartBreakers. But what is really great to watch and listen to is how Petty crafts his words and melodies.

This process of Petty-ness is being asimilated into my own style as I learn his tricks of the trade. Into the Great Collective, so to speak.

Thanks M

Les

[randomaire]

I may be wrong here, but the song You're so Bad by Tom Petty kind of fits some of that, could that be the song you're thinking of?

And thats you singing on that? Yeah definatly got Petty down man, good stuff there.

[wjp01908]

I don`t know if you can get it where you are, but try your pharmacist for some stuff called "second skin" - It`s a varnish type stuff that you build up in several layers and it forms a protective layer that really helps dull the pain. You can use it on burns as long as the skin is still intact.

I burnt my fretting index finger once (I foolishly tried to pull a stuck drill bit out of a masonry wall before it had cooled) and found it very helpful.


Will

[allthumbs]

It reminds me of I Won't Back Down. I can't put my finger on what is happening with the first verse. In my opinion it just doesn't flow. It may be the cadences . I would have to spend a couple of days playing with that verse to figure out what is bothering me about it and i don't have the time to do that. I have written and erased the next sentence in this post 4 times. Wish I had the time to figure it out. I would be very interested to hear what your mentor thinks of this tune.

[Lcjones]

This is why you put things down, walk away and come back another time.

Cripes.... this was really bad ....

**

[randomaire]

I don't think it was bad at all , actually quite the contrary, I really like Petty and I think you nailed it right on with his style. Influence is never a bad thing, hey if you sound that good, then influence is definatly not a bad thing... I liked it very much. I think we were just trying to figure out who or where we had heard something like that.

[Rockerbob]

I like it!

[Lcjones]

Hey Rando,

I guess I should have worded that a bit differently ..... but I'm glad and appreciate your comments.

My meaning is this .....

First draft songs are just that. I posted quite an unfinished product. I was all excited about what I thought I had accomplished.

So here's my take on this tune/lyric.

1) I like the music. I think it can be a refined, but for the most part, I'm happy with it. The similar sounds in the chorus (chord progression) while, not a big problem, was being lazy.

2) It's a first draft. There are only a handful of lyricists that can write a tune in one sitting. I should not have posted this until I had spent more time on it. That would have I'm sure, remedied the "sound alike" thing.

3) I wrote and edited at the same time. That's a no-no. I'm not that freakin' good!
In other words, I tried to re-write as I went along. Uh, uh. Doesn't work. Write hard, fast and rough, then smooth it out later....a few days later.

4) The harmony's are just really bad. But as an excuse... it was late .... very late...
And that's not an excuse, but a cop out. I know the harmonies I want, but I didn't get there on this first round.

5) If you notice on almost every line I sing, the last note of each line goes down. I did nothing to surprise you, the listener. I should have changed tactics.

6) While the overall lyric is ok, it's not an earth-shattering or a great introspective lyric. It's just a simple thing. In almost all of my early writings, I would go overboard on complexities. I would try to make the lyric deeper than it really was. I'm disgusted at that. But I'm changing how I write from just a few months ago. I'm amazed how many simple lyrics are written but how deep and complicated they are. And that's sorta-kinda what I need to do. I need to find the avenue to take me in that direction.

So, bottom line is I didn't even give this a chance to ferment. I rushed it. It's going back to the garage.

**
Les

PS...... and I didn't even touch on my guitar playing.... ack

[allthumbs]

Glad you caught all that before you sent it to your mentor for evaluation.

[randomaire]

Yes ok some of your points I agree with, but I can't help but sense a little of a letdown from ya in yourself... Ok so it isn't a finished or polished piece. I wouldn't throw it out by any means, I think you may critique yourself a bit too much. Don't let one or two bad critiques get ya down though. Not many people can write a hit song everytime they sit down to write, its just not going to happen... honestly I don't think anyone ever has.

If you start to overanalyze your music, your words, or your playing, eventually you're going to get despaired, moody, and not have fun anymore with what you are doing, once that happens .... and you can quote me, "It doesn't get any better, It only gets worse"

Take it like this: I have a good working foundation for this song, it sounds decent, I know some things I would like to improve, and I'm going to make this song the best damn song anyone has ever heard. Add a little note hear, instead of singing down at the end of my lines, build up towards the end, end with high notes etc. Before long I will be writing these things in my sleep.

(Oh and btw, I do write and edit at the same time, I just can't play the guitar to anything I write, that to me is talent my man, the ability to write and sing the tune, writing is nothing without the song, and the song is nothing without the writing.)

And honestly, why are you downing the sounds like thing? Thats a compliment man, to be able to sound like Tom Petty, or John Lennon, or Paul Mccartney, or any number of great singer/songwriters is a hell of an achievement. If someone can say oh hey that sounds like so and so, but its not him, then sheesh, thats the greatest.

[randomaire]

Think about this also.. Do you name your songs before or after you write them?

IMO: Write first, then name the song. But don't think about a title till you're done writing.

[Lcjones]

Randomaire

Couple of things.....

Dont confuse being self-critical with self-disappointment. I'm not hardly disappointed or feel that I let myself down. I don't know how you came to that conclusion. If one can't be objectively critical of one's own lyric, how can one even think they can write a lyric, much less make critical assessments of someone else's lyric.

Writing in general may come easy to many folk, Writing a lyric is not general writing. Writing a commercially viable lyric is so far beyond general lyric writing, in a league of it's own, that very few people have the ability to get to that level.

No, I haven't "over-analyze" my work. I have looked at my work objectively with the eyes and ears of a A & R person who may listen to my work. In this case, the song/lyric is lacking. And they will say, go back and re-write it. Believe me. And that's only if they are interested in it. If the song/lyric doesn't hook them in 45 seconds or less, they will tell you to drop it or start over.

The difference here is I learn from my mistakes. My mentor has taught me a valuable lesson which I disregarded on this particular lyric. I didn't go back and re-write. And that is such a key element in lyric writing. Especially as a solo writer. In a collaboration atmosphere you have multiple thought patterns working to find the right words for a lyric. You can bounce things back and forth and eventually, if you're compatible, start reading where your co-lab partner is headed before they get there.

Writing and editing..... Well, if you are and that's your bag and you're satisfied with what you're writing, then by all means, do it. However, in handling the process in that fashion, you lose a great portion of serendipity that may occur during the "raw writing" moments of lyric writing. If you're editing as you go, you're concentrating on what you have already written instead of writing what's coming directly from the "muse" within you. So when you've penned that fantastic line and you stop to edit...... the moment is gone.

As to the sound alike-ness thing...

I do want to spin a particular sound. The sound I truly like is in the vein of Tom Petty. I love the jangle. But I don't want to be Tom Petty. Of course, I wouldn't mind one bit if someone would say, "oh, hey", that Chapman guy has a real Tom Petty quality". Two different things. While I admire Petty's tones, I don't particularly want to be know as a Petty sound-alike. What I am learning from Petty and Crew are the nuances in their music, the equipment they use in creating the tones they do and how Tom P, with help from others such as Jeff Lynn & Mike Campbell, work his words.

Actually, naming the song first is very cool. You've just done the hard work. Coming up with a hook! And now you have a subject to write about. Of course it doesn't always work that way. And in reality there is no right or wrong way. It's whatever best suits your needs at that moment in time.

**
Les