[Eadwine Rose]

I figured I'd post one of my writings here, and see what you think of it. Most of it is poetry, either sweet and soft, or rough around the edges.

This is a song I just wrote it for me back when, and it still is that. I have to think of how to put this to music, but it certainly has a strong Dire Straits feel to it (a band I loooove by the way) and was inspired by their style.

It's rough, it's not even rewritten, just came straight from the gray matter I think of calling "brain" lol


Here you go:




he's got a real nice house, a car in the driveway
a white painted fence, a dog they found astray
in youth married a lover, his wife named Emily
two wonderful sweet kids, it's a perfect family

chorus:
empty bottles on the table, a glass that's half filled
lying next to it, enthusiasm killed
drooling on the table, stench out of his mouth
just another bum who's life has gone south


early one morning, when he arrives at work
he finds on his desk, a note written by the clerk
too bad for him it says, despite negotiation
he has just lost his job due to reorganization

chorus

they repossess his car, the dog goes to the pound
an auction in his house, now it's empty all around
bills are piling up, wife says the fault is all his
he grabs a whisky bottle as she leaves taking the kids

chorus

[allthumbs]

Dark stuff.

[Eadwine Rose]

You think THAT is dark? Here is a page with my poetry. Most I wrote in my "depression-era" a number of years ago. Some of the stuff is light, but the majority is dark stuff.

Oh.. and no, I am not Goth I was simply dealing with depression, which thank goodness is 99% over now.



Oh and to add, I wrote one on a guitar! "Brown Beauty"

[allthumbs]

That is one elaborate site you have there E.R.

[Eadwine Rose]

Why thank you

[Matty22]

Im with AT on both counts....
But i can definately see that being put to music, good writtin!

[Eadwine Rose]

Thank you

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by Eadwine Rose

he's got a real nice house, a car in the driveway
a white painted fence, a dog they found astray
in youth married a lover, his wife named Emily
two wonderful sweet kids, it's a perfect family

chorus:
empty bottles on the table, a glass that's half filled
lying next to it, enthusiasm killed
drooling on the table, stench out of his mouth
just another bum who's life has gone south


early one morning, when he arrives at work
he finds on his desk, a note written by the clerk
too bad for him it says, despite negotiation
he has just lost his job due to reorganization

chorus

they repossess his car, the dog goes to the pound
an auction in his house, now it's empty all around
bills are piling up, wife says the fault is all his
he grabs a whisky bottle as she leaves taking the kids

chorus

Really nice writing. I was imagining Mark Knopfler singing this song as I was reading it. Oh yah. Good choice there.

I really like this. Even though it's dark and lends itself to being a country song!!

Gloom, dispair and agony on me

Anyway, I think that the last verse could be made into two verses. The first two lines are one idea, and the last two are another. And the last two lines are the start of an excellent wrap-up verse.

One other idea: The last line of the chorus, even though that's the idea of the song, left me cool. I was jammin' on the lyrics, but I didn't like the taste that left in my mouth. I dunno. I think it's because it doesn't sound catchy enough. Maybe it could be more of a catchier phrase 'cause it's most likely the hook of the song. Possibly the title.

Good stuff!

Steve