[Lcjones]

Folks,

There are a lot on new people on the forum so I thought I'd open this discussion with a couple of my own thoughts on song writing.

It's a tough nut. I mean, it's not easy to write a song. It takes work. It takes diligence. It takes experience. And much more than that, it takes stamina. Very few people are blessed with the gift of lyric writing. Everyone else has to "work" at it. And that folks, is the way it is. Point blank.

I recently wrote a song/lyric titled 'Life Is Fine'. The folks who responded were positive about the song. So I submitted 'Life Is Fine' to my song writing mentor in Nashville. Mind you, I cannot reveal who that person is per their request. However, I will say, that I am "in school" at SongU. I am learning to be a song writer. I also fervently hope, by my open discussion of my own work, both seasoned and would be writers take pen in hand and get to work!

I have no fear of writing a lyric because I can only get better. That's how bad I am! I have no fear or embarrassment to not only post my lyrics but to post a professional review of my lyrics to you all. I maintain an open policy in that reqard.

You can hear my 'Life Is Fine' @ MySpace, yes that's a plug and appeal for "add me".... or SoundClick, nothing less than a blantant request for hits and/or @ Frogs Music, my home base, in which nothing matters except you hear my song, thank you! These are the original lyrics as posted here @ GFB & B and sent to my pro advisor. And read them here .....


Chapman Jones
08/13/06
Life Is Fine
*****************************

[V1]
Getting long in the tooth
Hell and gone from my youth
Getting tired when I know I'm not
No point remembering what I forgot (D)

[V2]
It's so easy to let things go
No reason to put on a show
No need to bleed on future days
They're bound to come and go anyway (D)

[Chorus]
Life is great
Life is fine
I won't hesitate
To take whats mine

[Post Chorus]
Gonna do what I want, now
Gonna take my time
Lay it on the line
It ain't no crime when life is fine

[V3]
The best is yet to come
The game's isn't done
My piece is moving around the board
Passing go, collecting rewards

[V4]
When the payoff hits
And it's time to split
I'll blow this joint and hit the road
There's one more place I gotta go

[Chorus]
Life is great
Life is fine
I won't hesitate
to take whats mine

[Post Chorus]
Gonna do what I want, now
Gonna take my time
Lay it on the line
It ain't no crime when Life is fine

Addendum
I paid the price
Got a little slice
Of heaven on earth
Life is fine


And you've waited long enough, here is my Mentor's critique of Life Is Fine.


I have hi-lighted important passages. At least important to me.
LYRICS

Hi Chapman, I see by your profile that you're interested in becoming a better songwriter in order to record your own songs independently. Excellent! Since you're going to be the artist, you have a LOT more leeway in the way you write and whether or not you adhere to strict craft or not. So, I'll approach my evaluation with all of these things in mind. I like the overall feel of this song. It's light and airy and it goes well with the title "Life is Fine" which is also light. My biggest comment lyrically is simply that I have NO idea what this song is about. As a listener I am confused and perplexed right from the get-go. On the one hand you're saying that you're getting old and tired (which doesn't sound all that positive) and on the other hand you're saying "life is great, life is fine." Well, which one is it? I like and understand the concept of getting to a point in your life where you're just going to do as you please and not worry about a bunch of stuff. And that's a very positive thing. But that's not what I took away from this song. So, if that's what you were going for, I missed it. One of the reasons for my confusion factor is simply because the lyrics are full of cliches: "getting long in the tooth" "hell and gone" "let things go" "put on a show" "bound to come" "I won't hesitate" "take what's mine" "best is yet to come" "when the payoff hits" "hit the road" And there are MORE than this...I'm only in the third verse. The trouble with using a whole bunch of cliches is that they keep everything at a very surface level emotionally. I don't FEEL any attachment to the song. And I'm not sure that I believe that the singer thinks "life is fine." There's just no emotional connection with your listener. Cliches are also very vague and general. So, to create a stronger impact with your lyrics, I suggest eliminating cliches and adding in more specific details and imagery to allow the listener to become emotionally involved in your song. Whether you are the singer or not, you want your song to connect with your listeners! Check out LYR 250/251 Successful Lyric Writing for more info and help in this area.

MUSIC

Musically, I like the overall feel, as I said above. The instrumentation and rhythm is good and I think appropriate for the song. I'm having a little bit of trouble following and remembering the melody in the verses in particular, though. Some of it, I think, is because the number of syllables in your verses differs. For example, in verse 1 the first line "getting long in the tooth" has 6 syllables while the first line of the second verse "it's so easy to let things go" has 8 syllables. This might seem like a minor difference, but it can throw off your melody or make you cram syllables together. And sometimes it's not the number of syllables but where the emphasis of syllables is. Second, the section that you've noted as a "bridge" actually sounds more like a chorus. This is the melody that I remember the most and it contains your title as well. So, it sounds like the hook and chorus of your song. In fact, it sounds more like a chorus than your actual chorus does. You may want to find a way to combine these two sections or simply eliminate your current chorus. MUS 130 Musical Elements of a Successful Song and MUS 150 Music Theory are two great classes for helping in this area.

ORIGINALITY

The idea of getting older and doing what you want has been done plenty of times. And the phrase "life is fine" is pretty generic sounding. Finding a more unique way of saying this would add a lot to the interest of this song. Maybe when you rewrite the lyrics to include more details and imagery something will pop out to you.

COMMERCIAL VIABILITY

With the general/vague lyrics, I'd have to say that this song doesn't have commercial potential in its current form. However, with the overall positive feel of the song, it's possible that you could rewrite this so that it did. Also, since you're really interested in keeping this as YOUR own song. You have many more outlets and possibilities. Think about film and TV pitches, independent artists, overseas artists, corporations or other organizations that could use this in videos or advertisements (like AARP, or various drug companies---can't you hear a Viagra commercial singing "Life is Great, Life is Fine, I won't hesitate, to take what's mine"?! Think outside the box. [my note here..isn't that cool! ..]

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Since you have the goal of becoming a "better songwriter," Chapman, I want to encourage and challenge you to work toward taking your lyrics to the next level. Finding a way to connect emotionally with your listeners will help you find your own unique audience base. Also, to make sure that you gain the most benefit from the courses here on SongU, please remember to take your time with them. Take them slowly to allow the information to really sink in. And, of course, feel free to repeat courses. You'll be surprised what information you may have missed the first time around, simply because you weren't ready for it. Best of luck to you!


******************

And there you have it folks. A real life scenario. This IS the way it IS. A clean cut to the bone critique. An in depth review, by a pro that is accomplished and well known in the Nashville Network. It just don't get no better than this. Live & Learn!

Awesome. How to Write Songs - 101. And that's the fact, Jack.

**
Les

[allthumbs]

How cool is that. Wish I could find a mentor for lyrics. Very cool. Makes me itch to start writing again. His advice seems dead on. Your lucky to have him take an interest in your work.

[Matty22]

Wow, he really cracked that open and spilled it out...
I do wonder about that sometimes. If people read lyrics on a computer screen, weather they really get the feel for it...
It sometimes seems to analytical.. quite often the vocals can make up for a line that isnt as flash lyrically. and so forth.

Perhaps i just dont see music as a science, more of something that should just be enjoyed weather its listenning or playing. and if that line doesnt quite rhyme propperly then who really cares. If it sounds good, do it.

But is still definately interesting to see what the "pro"s think of your work lc.

[kiendoc]

hey, chapman, great to see a bluegrass brother keep'in up the tradition!

[allthumbs]

Originally Posted by Matty22

Wow, he really cracked that open and spilled it out...
I do wonder about that sometimes. If people read lyrics on a computer screen, weather they really get the feel for it...
It sometimes seems to analytical.. quite often the vocals can make up for a line that isnt as flash lyrically. and so forth.

Perhaps i just dont see music as a science, more of something that should just be enjoyed weather its listenning or playing. and if that line doesnt quite rhyme propperly then who really cares. If it sounds good, do it.

But is still definately interesting to see what the "pro"s think of your work lc.

I think Les sent him a take of his tune Matty so he did hear it in context. It isn't a science to me. The words dance and flow like water if everything is going as it should.

[Doug]

Hi Chapman,
Thankyou for posting that.
I've just signed up for a song writing class at a local community college. I think I better start toughening up my skin.
I liked the lyrics but was left a bit up in the air by the line
"There's one more place I gotta go"
I thought that that would get resolved in the lyrics later. It seems that there's a story behind that line that you might want to exploit during the rewrite.
Thanks again for being so open.

-Doug

[Lcjones]

**

On Song Writing.......

If you are a song-writer or headed in the direction of song writing, then I sincerely hope you take a few minutes to read this. I’d like to address some of the thoughts that I have as well as those posted by others here at GFB & B. I’m not going to get into a “how-to”. Rather, to just lay my thoughts on the table and you can take away from it what you will, if anything.

I have no intentions or aspirations of becoming a commercial writer. I don’t have the mentality, nor do I have the stomach for it. My real intention and aspiration is to write quality lyrics and music that appeal to someone, who ever that may be. However, if I happen to write a commercially viable song, I will take every advantage of it I can.

First and foremost, the “art” of lyric writing is, in fact, a science, especially in the commercial world. Let me qualify that last statement. Songwriting in a commercial environment is finely detailed, requiring many tools to accomplish the task including language skills well beyond normal usage. There are specific methods to writing a complete and finished lyric. The study of lyrics, as in any field, has proven that hap-hazard craftsmanship is just that. Picking the wrong words or ‘cliché’s, as I have expertly done in my example above, do not accomplish anything less than a lesson to be learned (which is not a bad thing). Just like the skill of woodworking, you must know and understand the science of wood as well as the tools required to work the wood. Woods have stress points and life expectancy. Some woods twist, some don’t. Some woods splinter. Some woods split. It takes knowledge to know which wood to choose for a project and which woods to leave on the shelf.

Song writing professionals of today follow a rigid set of formulaic rules designed specifically to entice the listener of commercial radio. Although every song writing rule is meant to be broken, when those rules are followed, more than likely a good, if not great song is created. The rules have been developed over decades of trial and error by commercial radio in cooperation with artists and producers as well as the record labels themselves. Personally, I detest commercial radio. It’s laden with false pretenses, false promises, governed by false people and created for the sole purpose of generating money not listening pleasure. Ok, I’m done opinionating now. Breaking these rules is done everyday. And if anything, breaking the rules has and will continue to create some wonderful and exciting music. They just have to be broken in a commercial way. Face it, while there are a myriad independent artists that have and will continue to create exceptional, non-commercial music, they do in fact follow the rules of song-writing….. Creating great melody hooks intertwined with finely tuned lyrical hooks.

In my song, Life Is Fine, I truly thought I had broken ground. I thought I had moved into that “next level” of song writing. In my mind it was a great tune. The melody was pleasing. The words were simple, though not too evocative. It followed to a degree, the formula for a successful song. Boy, what planet did I come from, eh? Upon reflection, it really is a poorly written lyric. I’ll stand by the melody but the lyrics, well, they are lame. No articulation whatsoever. No depth. The lyrics just add back-ground noise to the melody.

I’ve flown this airplane before and have been shot down a couple of times but folks, if you’re going to write lyrics you simply can not write down the first thing that comes to mind and expect it to fly. It has to be finessed. Re-written, worked, studied, re-written again, studied again and yes, re-written again. But Les, you ask, “when is enough … enough”? That is a golden question. All you can do is write until you are satisfied that you have written as well as you can and have made your ideas as clear as possible. Then it’s up to the listener to decide if you have done enough. If you have, then you have created a wonderful piece of music. If not, you start over and try again.

As my Mentor has said, you absolutely must connect with your listener. Writing a very personal song is a fine thing. But if it doesn’t click with your listener then it is no more than a personal song written by you, for you, the writer. If you want to play around the kitchen or family room and that is your final glory, then by all means, write to your hearts content in what ever fashion you feel like writing. If you want others to listen to your music and be moved by your work, then you can not afford to be anything less than stellar in choosing the appropriate words and melody. As we used to say in high school English, dazzle them with dangling participles and baffled them with *****.

Let’s be real here. There are very few commercial songs written anymore that are actually from the heart of the writer. That’s not to say there aren’t heart-felt songs. That is to say, commercially viable songs are written with the “intent” to tug at the listeners “heart-strings”. Keyword here is “intent”. Does the phrase “song-crafting” ring a bell? Yes it does. That’s exactly what happens. A song is crafted. Very few are “just written”. Like the wood above, it takes a real knowledge in the science of song writing to create a great lyric. The first draft or first writing of a lyric is where all the “heart” is. That’s when the writer bubbles up with creative juices. That’s where all the heart comes from. Once you get over the heady high of writing from the heart the “craft” or science of song writing takes over. So you’ve worked your heart out writing a beautiful lyric. To whom? Yourself. That’s to whom. Now, its time to take that heartbeat of a lyric and re-write it so that others can understand and relate to what your heart just said, all the while maintaining that innocent written from the heart feeling. And doing so requires the writer to step away from their “written-from-the-heart” song, recreating the lyric in a fashion that will appeal to their listening audience. That is no easy job! You have to step up to the plate, swallow any ego you may have, delve deep into your psyche, open the gates of wisdom coupled with the creativity you possess and “craft” your song.

Gordon Lightfoot, Canada’s premier folk song writer, once said that, “you haven’t written a song until you have written four hundred songs”. That is so true. I’m about 8% there. In the meantime, I hope I haven’t scared anyone off from attempting to write a song. That is certainly not my intent. But for those of us who find song writing a pleasure and a goal to achieve I hope I have added some insight. I love to write. I’ll continue to write and I’ll continue to “hone my skills” in the craft of songwriting.

So, here I sit. I am starting over again.

**
Les

[allthumbs]

I hear you Les. The time involved for most of us is daunting. It applies to all creative writing fields. I always smile when I hear someone say I could write a book or a screenplay if I only had the time. They are thinking about the time it takes to physically write it. Not the time it takes to craft it. Two very different things. My sister is trying to get published. She has been trying for over 20 years. You have to love this stuff or it will drive you crazy.

[Ovation]

For those of you that are interested. http://www.musesmuse.com is worth a look.

[Lcjones]

One thing about lyric writing boards, while they do serve a degree of purpose, is that most of the participants do not know how to critique. Which is essential for the lyric writer. That is why I posted this critique from a professional of my song. You won't get that on any lyrics board. There is no favoritism. No buddy, buddy. It's a complete assessment for good or bad. And it's business.

It takes years of experience in the business to fully understand the reason for, the necessity of and especially how to critique.

I do believe that some lyric boards, and only a very few of them, are good. MusesMuse is one of the better ones. TuneSmith is another. There are some really good writers over there. For those who just wish to pen a few words and get a 'that's cool, I like it" or a "I didn't like that verse" critique, it's fine. But for those who are seriously working at learning the craft of lyric writing, want detailed explanations of why something did or didn't work and aren't expecting a "pat on the back or a good job" every time you put pen to paper, your time is better spent elsewhere.



Les

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by Ovation

For those of you that are interested. http://www.musesmuse.com is worth a look.

...and I'll add that Nancy VanReece (Copyright and Publishing Q&A contributor there) is one excellent resource at that site. Nancy taught me the ropes of basic publishing and copyright, and I highly recommend reading her stuff. I know that this is off the line of lyric writing, but it's just that if you want to get involved with the business of writing, it's time to learn the basics about publishing and copyright stuff.

Musesmuse.com is a very excellent resource for the songwriter.

Steve

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by lcjones

Awesome. How to Write Songs - 101. And that's the fact, Jack.

**
Les

Thanks so much, Les. It is so refreshing to see this on the 'net. There is so much non-professional drivel pseudo-critiquing out there. I don't mean to put anyone or their efforts down, I just mean that this is so important to set us all on the right track of understanding how a good critique comes down. Even with the idea of the output most likely being to satisfy the corporate world of songwriting, the radio and the labels, it's still so important to keep honing the craft so we can keep speaking intelligently to our audiences, no matter what our songwriting goals are!

Thanks for sharing this,

Steve

[Aunt Doty]

LC, this is good knowledge to have.....but also lets me know I will never try to be a song writer!(and that's a good thing I'm sure!). It sounds like to me that maybe a suggestion should be made to have two separate sites.....one for beginners just wetting their feet and just in it for fun and maybe a more advanced section that would be for you more seriously dedicated advanced folks! Just an idea....maybe not a good one either?????????? Advanced could be by invitation only or something like that so you could get some serious critiqueing!

Edit: Didn't realize how old this thread was when I added this!