Completely Lost

AX7221 · #1 July 2nd, 2006

I'm trying to make the music for my first song, and I'm completely lost. I'm trying to make music to go to lyrics someone i know wrote (she likes the cure). I have something with 2 parts, but i dont know whether to make it the verse and chorus or the intro and verse then make a chorus then the bridge. And i dont have ideas for the chorus and bridge. Any help appreciated

Here's what i have:

cshude · #2 July 2nd, 2006

If you post the lyrics, it would give us all more to go on as far as what would fit what, etc.

AX7221 · #3 July 2nd, 2006

dummy...

Verse:
You took what was left of me
I was just empty pieces in the dark
my love for you was real
and you stepped on my heart

I cried for you in the night
but you found someone new
the tears were rolling down my face
a reality check was due

Chorus:

I can’t believe that someone
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body to pieces
that blood shed like rain

Verse:
You’ve made me a stronger person
I’ll always love you for that
I’ve put the pieces back together
my dignity is no longer trapped

I’ve shut out all of the anger
and finally seen the light
my love is never wasted
I’ve never put up such a fight

Chorus:

I can’t believe that someone
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body to pieces
that blood shed like rain

Bridge:

I don’t want you to feel my love anymore
but I want you to feel the way that I felt
when you closed yourself off from me
and left me hanging by a rope with no sight to see

Chorus:

I can’t believe that someone
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body to pieces
that blood shed like rain

---

she's also looking for help with the lyrics, so help there is appreciated

allthumbs · #4 July 2nd, 2006

I just spent 2hours working on your lyrics and then my computer hung and I lost it all. So here is just the changes without the detailed explanation. I changed the bridge because it didn't fit the rest of the tune and the rewritten bridge builds on the verse before it and puts a completely new twist on the chorus. Some changes I made because a word was interrupting the flow. Other lines I changed to make it more personal, clearer or easier to sing. I kinda made it into a more positive uplift kind of thing. I see this as a rock ballad sung bu Nancy Wilson of Heart. Hope I can remember the changes. Here goes.

Verse:
You took what was left of me
I was just an empty space in the dark
my love for you was real
but, you stepped upon my heart

I cried for you in the night
but you found someone new
the tears were rolling down my face
my reality check was due

Chorus:

I can’t believe somebody
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body down
that shed my blood like rain

Verse:
You’ve made me a stronger woman
I’ll always love you for that
I’ve put the pieces back together
my soul is no longer trapped

I’ve let go of all of the anger
and finally seen the light
my love was never wasted
There was no need to fight

Chorus:

I can’t believe somebody
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body down
that shed my blood like rain

Bridge:
I'm standing on my own two feet
I give my love to whom I choose
If they don't want to give it back
Then their the ones who lose.

Chorus:

I can’t believe somebody
could make me feel The Pain
that cut my body down
that shed my blood like rain

As you can see the bridge turns the focus, that is suggested in the preceding verse, from him hurting you to wondering how you could allow yourself to be hurt. Goes from being a victim to being in control. It is just an idea.
I felt the constant references to pieces of a body was a little too blood metal unless that's what you were going for.. I think this tune has great potential and just needs to be polished. Hope some of this helps. BTW Nancy Wilson singing this.
would sound awesome.

CanuckTodd · #5 July 2nd, 2006

Allthumbs,
As an aside, you are an amazingly helpful and resourceful guy. This place is lucky to have a guy like you moving things along and helping everyone out. If no one says thanks, well, thanks.
Todd
Good luck with the rest of the tune Ax and we'd like to hear it put to music and posted in the forum sometime soon!

allthumbs · #6 July 3rd, 2006

Thanks Canuk

BENharperROX · #7 July 3rd, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanuckTodd

Allthumbs,
As an aside, you are an amazingly helpful and resourceful guy. This place is lucky to have a guy like you moving things along and helping everyone out. If no one says thanks, well, thanks.
Todd
Good luck with the rest of the tune Ax and we'd like to hear it put to music and posted in the forum sometime soon!

I second that!!