[Lcjones]

I made a discovery in "Hearts In Good Care" that is a classic example of a timing problem. It was very subtle and nearly got away from me.

What is timing? Well, there are two timing things going on in a song. The most obvious is the beat or time as in 3/4 or 4/4 time.

The less obvious is lyrical timing. What comes first? The chicken or the egg, though I heard this week scientists have solved that little brain-teaser.

Lyrical timing is when something takes place within the story line of the lyric.
Here's my Hearts In Good Care timing issue.

The original 4th verse went like this...

Line 1) When the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 2) And the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care

Can you see the timing problem? If so, Cudos to you! Clancy, ring them chimes! If not, don't worry about it! I'll explain it all.

The timing issue is between lines 1 and 2. I wanted to create the image of changing seasons. If you'll notice, I reference the season fall in the first line, summer in the second line and autumn or fall again in the third line.

It's out of sync, fall, summer, autumn/fall. A lyrical timing problem. So to fix it, which because of my rhyming scheme, turned out to be fairly simple, I did ....

The revised 4th verse ...

Line 1) When the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 2) And the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care

See what I mean? The image I wanted to create by using a seasonal change now makes perfect sense in the revised verse, whereas it did not in the original verse. The flow even feels and sounds better in the revised verse. My idea is now very clear and the listener does not get confused by a timing problem. And now, neither do I!

Of course, it's not a do or die thing, but it is an important part of lyric writing. Thats why I re-write, re-write, re-write....

Hope this helps someone out there in lyrical writer land!

Les

[Bennett]

This is great piece of advice, Les! I'll certainly remember this next time I put pen to paper.

Keep those nuggets of info coming.

[USGold]

HUH?--I see what you wanted but failed to follow how the resolution was any different, I guess it's an artist thing Les and I am still a plank spanker. Congrats on getting the song more to your pleasing. Scott

[Lcjones]

just a logical sequence of events .....



Les

[peterm]

Originally Posted by lcjones

just a logical sequence of events .....



Les

Unless your name is Tarantino

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by lcjones

Line 1) When the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 2) And the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care

Hi Les--

Yep. I see what you mean in reference to the sequence of events. The lyric makes more sense now.

But the timing issue that I see with this is in the fourth line. Of course, with artistic license, who cares?? I suppose though that if someone were just a writer and not also an artist, or if they're trying to get their lyric 'out there' then this might be an issue.

What am I talking about? Syllable counting.

And I know you probably have a hold on this stuff, I just wanted to comment in the hopes that some other writers might get in on this topic.

In syllable counting, it's not often that the syllables in a line must strictly match the others, but rather that the lines only differ by a syllable or two. After all, lyrics need to be conversational--they need to come off as if you were physically telling the story. Artistic license will take care of any line that is a syllable or so off.

But of course rules are made to be broken. I guess it's good to understand rules before they are, though, so you know that you broke them!

But your fourth line is---4 syllables, at least, shy of the others. Were your ....s in the line indicating that there is room for something, but you just didn't quite know what that might be?

Steve

[Fretsource]

I think you might be miscounting that last line Steve. Counting from the first beat, every line has TEN syllables.
Line four is shorter only because it starts exactly on the first beat with no pickup notes
while lines 1 - 3 also have a pick up note or two before the first beat.
But to compare them, it's necessary to count them ALL from the first beat - not the pick up notes

[CanuckTodd]

Hey Les,
Thanks for the advice. I think one reason so many pop songs are so damn simple and repeat the signature hook over and over again, is that most of us barely know the meaning of most of the songs we hear.
If you are like most people, you'll find yourself singing along and getting a "feel" for a song, but will likely not really "get" what the artist intended. So some of your distinctions are key, others will be lost on the listener.
I thought about this the other day because I really have always liked David Bowie. I used to have just about every one of his albums when I was in high school. But I was trying to think back about what he really wrote about and stood for and I drew a blank. Guess I just liked the sound!

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by Fretsource

I think you might be miscounting that last line Steve. Counting from the first beat, every line has TEN syllables.
Line four is shorter only because it starts exactly on the first beat with no pickup notes
while lines 1 - 3 also have a pick up note or two before the first beat.
But to compare them, it's necessary to count them ALL from the first beat - not the pick up notes

That depends on what you consider the pickup notes.

Originally Posted by lcjones

Line 1) When the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 2) And the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care

I agree that if we want to count we could take it from what we see as the downbeat. But unless we have an audio example (and, by the way, if we did, then that's only one musical interpretation of the lyric), we have no real way of knowing. I take it you're considering When the of Line 1, and And the of Line 2, and As in Line 3 as the pickup notes. Then why aren't you considering the We'll be as in Line 4 as pickup notes? That would follow.

But what you say makes sense. You don't have to have pickup notes in Line 4. It would work ok if you didn't. I guess that's a part of my point. We don't know this. To my mind it seems natural that the We'll be as are pickup notes just as the first one, two or three syllables/words are in the previous lines. Or not. Those words/syllables may not have been considered as 'pre-downbeat' notes.

I'm not saying that there should be strict syllable counting. I'm saying that writers should be aware of them. It's not a bad thing, and there's artistic license, but it's obvious to me that Line 4 falls short of the counting of the previous three lines, unless you invoke artistic license and say that there are no pickup notes.

[Fretsource]

Originally Posted by solidwalnut

I take it you're considering When the of Line 1, and And the of Line 2, and As in Line 3 as the pickup notes. Then why aren't you considering the We'll be as in Line 4 as pickup notes?

You're right - we can't know for sure without hearing it - I just assumed line 4 had no pick up notes as it wouldn't fit well otherwise.

[Lcjones]

This is the practice recording at the time I posted the Lyrical Timing notes.

http://frogsmusic.com/mp3/hearts_in_good_care.mp3

Have a listen....

It had evolved even at that time.

Les

[Fretsource]

It won't open for me

[Lcjones]

Hmmm....

Ok I don't know why that happens. See if this one works. I just moved it to a different server. wGet is a wonderful tool.

http://frogsmedia.com/mp3/hearts_in_good_care.mp3

**

[Fretsource]

Very nice - and no missing syllables from that version

[solidwalnut]

Very lovely tune, Les. Very enjoyable.