[MidnightRider]

Here is another song i wrote, any advice, criticism or general feedback is appreciated

I need to drift away,
You’ve got to run away.
Leave me locked in this twisted spire,
One day I may hear the heavenly choir.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

My friend, have no fear,
You will not face the spear.
Forget your truth and listen to me,
For I alone am the holder of the key.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

The time is now,
Fly without delay.
While the others decay,
From the void I’m not allowed.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

[X4StringDrive]

Well, I'll say it again MidnightRider, you definitly have a unique style. But I'm having difficulties grasping the messages overall, from a poetic veiw they're very artistic, but commercially I don't know how they would stand. I'm still of the mind that these would work very well in a heavy metal "gamester" kinda way. No offence intended these are just my thoughts, but they seem too confusing or maybe I should say that at a tempo of any reasonable speed would make for a hard time to understand, maybe I'm just to old to get a hold of where your going with them.

This is what I'm left with, please, again don't take offence to this, I just couldn't explain my thoughts any better

I need to drift away,............................................. ....from what?
You’ve got to run away............................................wh o? why?
Leave me locked in this twisted spire,.................whats twisted?
One day I may hear the heavenly choir................dying from what?



Hold true my dearest friend,............................is this who you just told to run away?
The worlds undone, the end has begun.........based on what?
This universal mind will, again, be fine..........universal mind?

My friend, have no fear,..................................is this another friend or still your dearest?
You will not face the spear............................when the end comes they're gonna stay safe?
Forget your truth and listen to me,...............yes, run away?
For I alone am the holder of the key.............you just wanted to drift away but now your the savior?

I guess I just need more of a story or maybe to actually hear one of your tunes to see how it works. Don't get me wrong , I think you have talent, I'm just trying to figure out where I want to classify it under.

[knight46]

Midnight,
I believe that Kenny has captured all of my thoughts on this lyric. It well may be that locally these would have more immediate meaning. Sometimes local phases and inferences are apparent and it is not necessary to explain.
Your style does seem to follow a very specific genre and may be to area specific to understand without more explaination.

[MidnightRider]

i understand what you guys are saying and i think that this is one of my weakest lyrics im going to edit it and ill post it when i finish. thanks again

edit. heres an edited version, more criticism is welcome to any of my pieces.

My final solution is to drift away,
You know you must run away.
Leave me locked in this twisted spire
One day I’ll find my peace of mind,
And hear that heavenly choir.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

My dear friend, have no fear,
You will not face the spear.
Forget your truth and listen to me,
Life beyond this is no guarantee.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

The time is at hand.
Fly without delay,
While the others decay.
I know it’s hard to understand.

Hold true my dearest friend,
The worlds undone, the end has begun.
This universal mind will, again, be fine.

[X4StringDrive]

Much better Midnight, although that universal mind thing still has me wondering.