[empirex89]

Ive been working on song writing skills over the past several months and it is usually a painful process for me. The music really isnt a problem right now since I am only just beginning guitar, but I sing in a band at the present moment and we are working on a few songs. Heres one ive come up with today, slow, alt-rock style to it.

Take one step back now,
look at our lives three years in the making,
ups and downs,
our minds always changing,
but in the end i look to you,
feel the way i always do,
and then i know its meant to be,
just you and me we breathe

Breathe, the air in around us,
a melody so sweet,
were caught in a blinding rush,
were swept off our feet,
Breathe, my hand slips into yours,
a melody so sweet,
our hearts begin to soar,
as our eyes, they meet.

I stand in silence,
caught staring once again,
you hold me in awed reverance,
im helpess till the end.
Do you feel the way I do?
like a heavy heart,
gazing at a prize it will never have to lose.
lets make a new start,
just you and me we breathe.

Breathe, the air in around us,
a melody so sweet,
were caught in a blinding rush,
were swept off our feet,
Breathe, my hand slips into yours,
a melody so sweet,
our hearts begin to soar,
as our eyes, they meet. x2

Here we are now,
an ending just begins,
a test of time will only show,
our hearts are meant to win.





Great site guys. im loving it so far.

[nagukush]

I really like it, Its beautiful mate ! Good job done

[empirex89]

thanks kush,
Sorry. didnt mention this before, I was hoping to get some reviews on it, lines that need work (possibly the whole peice, im not a poet) etc.
Thanks

[allthumbs]

It is difficult to comment on someones' work. I hear this more as a ballad than alt rock. I think it could be simplified a bit depending on the music.

Take one step back now,
look at our lives three years in the making,
ups and downs,
our minds always changing,
but in the end i look to you,
feel the way i always do,
and then i know its meant to be,
just you and me we breathe

such as
One step back now, ( taking a step back implies changing minds,up and down etc.so I
looking at our lives, simpled it down to give it more of a flow when sung) I am not
but in the end, sure that breath line is right for this tune)
I look at you,
the way I always do,
It's just you and me,girl. or something like that.

Kind of a mixed feel in the next verse.


Breathe, the air in around us,
a melody so sweet,
were caught in a blinding rush,
were swept off our feet,
Breathe, my hand slips into yours,
a melody so sweet,
our hearts begin to soar,
as our eyes, they meet.

Kind of implying that melody is like a perfume of flowers and then the blinding rush and swept off our feet suggests a hurricane. In your first verse, it is implied that this relationship has been on going so a sudden rush and swept off is more indicitive of a new love.

As you can see,it is pretty subjective deciding the way a song will go. It might help if you chose who is singing this A man contemplating his long standing love interest or someone newly in love. You could combine the two by having him describe how being around her is like being with a new love.
Just some thoughts. Feel free to totaly disregard them. Like I said we all have a different vision of how songs come together.

[coldethyl]

Great lyrics empirex89

But I have to agree with allthumbs about it sounding more like a ballad than alt rock.
Excellent effort though. Keep it up!

[Stephen]

Good stuff, empirex89, you've got a lyric that will work. It says something, there's rhyme and rhythm and the whole thing is coherent. The only suggestions I would make are that you may have trouble with lines that are too long and with some verses being longer than others, but this may not matter if you find a melody that fits what you've written. A great start; let us know how you go with writing a melody.