[X4StringDrive]

By - X4 Kenny
1st draft
As always, say what you want....Please and Thankyou

Vs1
Falling snow covers the city
in a blanket oh so white
fresh and clean all very pretty
lights the darkness of the night

Vs2
Watch the flakes outside the window
gently floating in the air
festive lights set them aglowing
with such beauty and such flair

Chorus
I love playing outside with you by my side
in a winterland of snow
its a wonderful time lets grab us some wine
Its snowing come on lets go

Vs3
Old fashion sleds and toboggans
racing down the steep hillside
clumsy mittens warming our hands
as we wait our turn to slide

Vs4
Laughing children on the playground
lovebirds gliding across ice
like a Rockwell art of small town
how he captures it so nice

Chorus

Vs5
Like a pretty christmas present
tied off with a ribbon bow
its a sight thats oh so pleasant
one I surely hope you know

Vs6
As it drapes across the pine trees
and builds up upon the grass
I fall down onto my bending knees
and thank the sky its here at last

Chorus

[knight46]

Nice lyrics Kenny, glad to see you are out of that "Blue Funk" for a while. Nice airy, light feel to this piece, kind of that WinterWonderland vibe.
V5 (Just my thoughts)
"tied off with a Pretty bow"
or
"tied off with a giant bow"
You do have a nice way with words...

Just noticed Pretty in the line above, scratch that idea...

[X4StringDrive]

Thanks Knight, I'm not completely happy with that wording myself, my wife makes all of her own bows out of ribbon, but I just don't think it comes across right in this configuration.

[starsailor]

Another nice one Kenny , really cheerful song

How about

Tied off with a silken bow

[X4StringDrive]

Thanks Chris, could work well, I also had "big red" bow...weird how such a little thing like this can eat at you.

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by X4StringDrive

Thanks Chris, could work well, I also had "big red" bow...weird how such a little thing like this can eat at you.

That works well, it is weird Kenny but sometimes even one word can make a songwriter feel uncomfortable and it does drive you mad trying to make it work

[eddiez152]

Kenny,
Nice one.

[X4StringDrive]

Thanks Eddie

[knight46]

Kenny,
When I first read the lyrics the first thing that came to mind was "scarlet bow" just wasn't sure if that was what you had in mind.

[X4StringDrive]

Thanks Knight, I made a few changes....Draft #2

First the title didn't sound fitting enough{still not happy}
then a couple of line changes to verses 3,4&5...seems to flow better for me{at least for now}



With you by my side

Vs1
Falling snow covers the city
in a blanket oh so white
fresh and clean all very pretty
lights the darkness of the night

Vs2
Watch the flakes outside the window
gently floating in the air
festive lights set them aglowing
with such beauty and such flair

Chorus

I love playing outside with you by my side
in a winterland of snow
its a wonderful time lets grab us some wine
Its snowing come on lets go

Vs3
Well worn sleds and toboggans
racing down the steep hillside
clumsy mittens warming our hands
as we wait our turn to slide

Vs4
Laughing children on the playground
lovebirds gliding across ice
seems like everybody in town
has come out to play so nice

Chorus

Vs5
Like a stack of christmas presents
all tied up with pretty bows
its a sight thats oh so pleasant
one I surely hope you know

Vs6
As it drapes across the pine trees
and builds up upon the grass
I fall down onto my bending knees
and thank the sky its here at last

Chorus

[X4StringDrive]

I think{once in a while I do that} maybe the chorus needs a re-write, I don't know, it seems the verses are heading one way and the chorus another....am I making sense or am I just to tired at the moment?


Edit..I must be tired, the verses upon rereading seem to once again sort of combine two different stories, 1 about snow and 1 about the playing in snow

[tomg123]

Well maybe its to late for xmas x4, the chourus can be used as another verse, then write a new chourus. The chourus can simply be a little jingle or such about snow

[X4StringDrive]

Thanks Tom, like one of the last ones I posted{how does love work/can you}, I think I will try to split this into two different songs and try to stay more on track with each theme.

[Ian McAllister]

'As it drapes across the pine trees
and builds up upon the grass
I fall down onto my bending knees
and thank the sky its here at last'
Hi X4, Merry Christmas.How about 'I fall down to my bended knees' in the third line, will that scan? or do you need the extra syllable? I like the title though.
Ian


I just read the rules, sorry, I didn't mean to rewrite the lyric, it was merely a suggestion

[X4StringDrive]

Originally Posted by Ian McAllister

I just read the rules, sorry, I didn't mean to rewrite the lyric, it was merely a suggestion

No problems with any of my stuff, I love reading others takes and or thoughts...opens the mind sometimes.

I haven't worked out any music yet so I imagine it could work well, One thing about my writing process...I write to a cadence in my head even without hearing any tune or even thinking of a genre, so most if not all of my postings usually need a re-write at music time.

I'm still trying to grasp it all, as far as lyric writing goes...it was so much easier back before I realized there were certain aspects that need to be, to actually work in a musical sense.