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Forum Home > Guitar For Beginners & Beyond General Forum > The Workings Of Music > Songwriting > Three words... song not long enough?


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  #1  
Old May 18th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Three words... song not long enough?

Ever get so much into a song and it's only about 1:30 after adding bridges? You know you need to add more but your creative genius shuts off on you? well anyways here's the song.... Three Words

Three words Seven letters One meaning
When Cu-pid strikes you lose all feeling
When I look in your eyes my mind goes numb
I think I finally found one

Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
It turns out the wrong way

+++++++
Bridge
+++++++

Three words they're so hard to say
Seven letters is too much for me(may)
One Meaning I now understand
All I need is a plan

Should I call her on the phone
Leave a message if she's not home
Don't know... what I should do
Just wanna be with you

Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
I love you

Outro

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  #2  
Old May 18th, 2007
Fretsource Fretsource is online now

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Looks promising Agent. Just a minor point before the lyricists come in with more helpful comments.
"I love you" is eight letters, not seven.


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  #3  
Old May 18th, 2007
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Hilch Hilch is offline
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Agent

Nice lyrics mainly , I would rather see you break the chorus up just a little I know where the voice is going with the message but sometimes less is more if you know what I mean

Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time Every time
Every time I'm about to say
I love you

Eight letters actually sounds very kool ,

Trev...

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Old May 19th, 2007
737blues 737blues is offline
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Three words... song not long enough?

Er, that's four words Agent. But fortunately your lyrics are looking much more promising than your arithmetic.
Nice lyrics, are you going to put them to music?

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  #5  
Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 737blues View Post
Three words... song not long enough?

Er, that's four words Agent. But fortunately your lyrics are looking much more promising than your arithmetic.
Nice lyrics, are you going to put them to music?
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato


oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think


I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again

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  #6  
Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agent0064life View Post
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato


oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think


I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again
oh and speaking of vibrato... can anyone explain how to do the fast fading vibrato? Or is that something that comes with experience because I just kinda figured out how to do a vibrato (don't ktnow if that's even the correct term) last week and I'm able to do a slower one... haven't had a chance to record with it either to hear how conrolled it actually is...or is the speed of vibrato hard to obtain?

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  #7  
Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agent0064life View Post
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato


oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think


I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again
Wow that sounds redundant after reading it now gotta think of something to fix it...

The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell you what I thought
But I choked...I forgot
Three very important words

Then go into a bridge

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  #8  
Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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ugh admin you need to make the site so I can edit any of my past posts... hate having to repost for slight changes...

On the intro I'm gonna get rid of three very important words so it will say

The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell you what I thought
But I choked... I forgot

Then a quick 16 bar either G or C barre going into

Three words eight letters one meaning
When cupid.... blah blah

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  #9  
Old May 19th, 2007
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Ellenback1 Ellenback1 is offline
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You need to figure out,agent0064life, where the song is going from there...what happens when you try to say those three little words? You choke, right? And then, after you choke.....? Do you manage to spit them out, or do you keep biting your tongue till it bleeds?

Damn bleeding tongues on you guys...LOL just spit 'em out! Ok, ok, i'll stop nagging you now...

Just my 2 cents!

Ellenback

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Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Originally Posted by Ellenback1 View Post
You need to figure out,agent0064life, where the song is going from there...what happens when you try to say those three little words? You choke, right? And then, after you choke.....? Do you manage to spit them out, or do you keep biting your tongue till it bleeds?

Damn bleeding tongues on you guys...LOL just spit 'em out! Ok, ok, i'll stop nagging you now...

Just my 2 cents!

Ellenback
Hey would it be odd if I just showed up at her house after I'm off work in an hour or so (9:30-10:00 probably) and told her I loved her without no other chit chat first? That's my plan since after we talk I get real gunshy. Or just go to her house with my guitar, start playing the main riff till she notices then start the song? Ugh I wanna do this tonight can't wait any longer.

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  #11  
Old May 19th, 2007
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Ellenback1 Ellenback1 is offline
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Well, as long as she already knows you, I love the bit about just going there with your guitar, and then playing it...

She might say something like, "hey, who is that by?" And then you could say, "Me, I kinda wrote it for you...!"

Now THAT'S romantic!

And, if she says, "Oh, I feel that way about you, too!" then you know where to go with the song...

But, if she says, "Hey, you're like my BROTHER..." well, then you've got a great song out of it, right? LOL

I don't think she'll say that, you send her to me if she does! hehehe

Ellenback

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Old May 19th, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellenback1 View Post
Well, as long as she already knows you, I love the bit about just going there with your guitar, and then playing it...

She might say something like, "hey, who is that by?" And then you could say, "Me, I kinda wrote it for you...!"

Now THAT'S romantic!
+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.

BTW, I like the verse with "let my chance slip away" better than the one with "I forgot"....saying that you forgot gives the impression that it wasn't very important in the first place....no bueno.


If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song.


Mac

"I wish I could play that fast - then I would have the option of not doing that."
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  #13  
Old May 19th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Originally Posted by Stratrat View Post
+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.



If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song.
Well artists usually write their best songs through depression... so it's a win win...

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  #14  
Old May 20th, 2007
agent0064life agent0064life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratrat View Post
+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.

BTW, I like the verse with "let my chance slip away" better than the one with "I forgot"....saying that you forgot gives the impression that it wasn't very important in the first place....no bueno.


If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song.
Okay how about

The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell her what I thought
But I choked...I was lost
Like a - Deer in the headlights
I was lost ----------------
staring deep into your eyes
I let my chance slip away
Let my chance slip away... again

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  #15  
Old May 20th, 2007
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Ellenback1 Ellenback1 is offline
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That's cool, I've almost used that 'deer in the headlights' line once or twice in a song, myself! Do it, and let us know how things went...

Ellenback

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