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| Songwriting Ask any questions you have about songwriting here. |
May 18th, 2007
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Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
Location: saint pete, florida
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Three words... song not long enough?
Ever get so much into a song and it's only about 1:30 after adding bridges? You know you need to add more but your creative genius shuts off on you? well anyways here's the song.... Three Words
Three words Seven letters One meaning
When Cu-pid strikes you lose all feeling
When I look in your eyes my mind goes numb
I think I finally found one
Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
It turns out the wrong way
+++++++
Bridge
+++++++
Three words they're so hard to say
Seven letters is too much for me(may)
One Meaning I now understand
All I need is a plan
Should I call her on the phone
Leave a message if she's not home
Don't know... what I should do
Just wanna be with you
Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
Every time I'm about to say
I love you
Outro
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May 18th, 2007
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Playing guitar for what seems like forever.
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Join Date: May 2006
Last Online: 2 Hours Ago 10:00 PM
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 1,181
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Looks promising Agent. Just a minor point before the lyricists come in with more helpful comments.
"I love you" is eight letters, not seven.
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May 18th, 2007
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Playing guitar for over a year.
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Agent
Nice lyrics mainly , I would rather see you break the chorus up just a little I know where the voice is going with the message but sometimes less is more if you know what I mean 
Chorus
But how come
Every time I'm about to say
Every time Every time
Every time I'm about to say
I love you
Eight letters actually sounds very kool ,
Trev...
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May 19th, 2007
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Grand Member
Playing guitar for what seems like forever.
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Last Online: 13 Hours Ago 10:49 AM
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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Three words... song not long enough?
Er, that's four words Agent. But fortunately your lyrics are looking much more promising than your arithmetic. 
Nice lyrics, are you going to put them to music? 
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May 19th, 2007
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Playing guitar for over a year.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
Location: saint pete, florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 737blues
Three words... song not long enough?
Er, that's four words Agent. But fortunately your lyrics are looking much more promising than your arithmetic.
Nice lyrics, are you going to put them to music? |
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato
oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think
I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again
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May 19th, 2007
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Member
Playing guitar for over a year.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
Location: saint pete, florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agent0064life
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato
oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think
I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again
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oh and speaking of vibrato... can anyone explain how to do the fast fading vibrato? Or is that something that comes with experience because I just kinda figured out how to do a vibrato (don't ktnow if that's even the correct term) last week and I'm able to do a slower one... haven't had a chance to record with it either to hear how conrolled it actually is...or is the speed of vibrato hard to obtain?
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May 19th, 2007
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Member
Playing guitar for over a year.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
Location: saint pete, florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agent0064life
already did but I gotta rerecord it.... finally found out how do do vibrato
oh yeah and here's something I think it could be an intro what do you guys think
I had a chance
The other day
We were walking alone just me and you
I let my chance slip away
let my chance slip away...again
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Wow that sounds redundant after reading it now gotta think of something to fix it...
The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell you what I thought
But I choked...I forgot
Three very important words
Then go into a bridge
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May 19th, 2007
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Playing guitar for over a year.
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Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
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ugh admin you need to make the site so I can edit any of my past posts... hate having to repost for slight changes...
On the intro I'm gonna get rid of three very important words so it will say
The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell you what I thought
But I choked... I forgot
Then a quick 16 bar either G or C barre going into
Three words eight letters one meaning
When cupid.... blah blah
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May 19th, 2007
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Playing guitar for less than a year.
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Last Online: April 3rd, 2008 09:40 PM
Location: Toronto
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You need to figure out,agent0064life, where the song is going from there...what happens when you try to say those three little words? You choke, right? And then, after you choke.....? Do you manage to spit them out, or do you keep biting your tongue till it bleeds?
Damn bleeding tongues on you guys...LOL just spit 'em out! Ok, ok, i'll stop nagging you now...
Just my 2 cents!
Ellenback
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May 19th, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellenback1
You need to figure out,agent0064life, where the song is going from there...what happens when you try to say those three little words? You choke, right? And then, after you choke.....? Do you manage to spit them out, or do you keep biting your tongue till it bleeds?
Damn bleeding tongues on you guys...LOL just spit 'em out! Ok, ok, i'll stop nagging you now...
Just my 2 cents!
Ellenback
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Hey would it be odd if I just showed up at her house after I'm off work in an hour or so (9:30-10:00 probably) and told her I loved her without no other chit chat first? That's my plan since after we talk I get real gunshy. Or just go to her house with my guitar, start playing the main riff till she notices then start the song? Ugh I wanna do this tonight can't wait any longer.
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May 19th, 2007
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Playing guitar for less than a year.
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Last Online: April 3rd, 2008 09:40 PM
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Well, as long as she already knows you, I love the bit about just going there with your guitar, and then playing it...
She might say something like, "hey, who is that by?" And then you could say, "Me, I kinda wrote it for you...!"
Now THAT'S romantic!
And, if she says, "Oh, I feel that way about you, too!" then you know where to go with the song...
But, if she says, "Hey, you're like my BROTHER..." well, then you've got a great song out of it, right? LOL
I don't think she'll say that, you send her to me if she does! hehehe
Ellenback
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May 19th, 2007
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Playing guitar for over a year.
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Last Online: 11 Hours Ago 12:29 PM
Location: Southern CA, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellenback1
Well, as long as she already knows you, I love the bit about just going there with your guitar, and then playing it...
She might say something like, "hey, who is that by?" And then you could say, "Me, I kinda wrote it for you...!"
Now THAT'S romantic!
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+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.
BTW, I like the verse with "let my chance slip away" better than the one with "I forgot"....saying that you forgot gives the impression that it wasn't very important in the first place....no bueno.
If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song. 
Mac
"I wish I could play that fast - then I would have the option of not doing that."
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May 19th, 2007
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Member
Playing guitar for over a year.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
Location: saint pete, florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratrat
+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.
If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song. |
Well artists usually write their best songs through depression... so it's a win win...
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May 20th, 2007
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Playing guitar for over a year.
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Last Online: July 23rd, 2008 10:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratrat
+1. That's a pretty classy move, and you score more originality points than just telling her.
BTW, I like the verse with "let my chance slip away" better than the one with "I forgot"....saying that you forgot gives the impression that it wasn't very important in the first place....no bueno.
If she gives you the "You're like my BROTHER" line, then it's time to write a blues song. |
Okay how about
The other day I had a shot
A chance to tell her what I thought
But I choked...I was lost
Like a - Deer in the headlights
I was lost ----------------
staring deep into your eyes
I let my chance slip away
Let my chance slip away... again
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May 20th, 2007
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Full Member
Playing guitar for less than a year.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Last Online: April 3rd, 2008 09:40 PM
Location: Toronto
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That's cool, I've almost used that 'deer in the headlights' line once or twice in a song, myself! Do it, and let us know how things went...
Ellenback
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