[Stratrat]

Okay, I finally sat down and started putting words to paper (or on a screen, as it may be). This is the rough draft of a country song that's been floating around in my head for a while. It talks about something that I actually feel every day of my life. As always, feedback and critiques welcome and gratefully accepted....

THAT DUSTY ROAD

This city life is wearin’ me down
it’s all too much, too fast.
People in crowds, the traffic’s loud
as it goes roarin’ past.

Cell phone jockeys in their SUV’s
drivin’ like they’re in a race.
I’m countin’ the days ‘till I can get away
and go live in my favorite place


[Chorus]
That house out on that dusty road
sittin’ in the middle of nowhere.
Lookin’ cross the plains at the passin’ trains
Can’t wait ‘till I get there.


That ol’ boss is yellin’ in my ear,
phones ringin’ off the hook.
Just one more day tryin’ to earn my pay
but it’s another one in the books.

All these fancy cars and martini bars
High society ain’t for me.
You can burn it down, right to the ground
‘cause the only place I wanna be…is

[Chorus]

Whoa, time just can’t pass fast enough
‘till I can leave this all behind.
Stick it in your ear, I’m out of here
gonna sit back and unwind.

That shady porch with a mountain view…
A cold drink in my hand.
Nothin’ to do but what I want to…
miles of open land…..

[End – slow strum]
That dusty road is callin’ my name
I hear it in my dreams
That simple life is what I want
Where everything’s as it seems.

[X4StringDrive]

Very nicely done Stratrat, the lyrics say it all, nicely written.

[Hilch]

STRATRAT

I'm hearing a real up beat C&W style here like Big &Rich Save a horse Ride a cowboy song ..

Trev..

[eddiez152]

Hilch,

Geting much better, should turn up to be a good tune.

[Lcjones]

**

Hey Strat,

I am really glad to see so many lyrics pop up. It really sends the message there is more to playing a guitar, or any instrument for that matter, than just playing the instrument. I really appreciate all of you writers out there. I know how tough a job it is!

I'm going to play the devils advocate here....but keep in mind I'm going to critique this lyric as if it were being submitted to your producer for your next album.

I like the overall idea of the singer getting sick and tired of the same-old same-old, especially if they are in the city. It's been used quite a bit over the years but no matter the generation, everyone gets the working man blues.

**

The lyric starts out a bit weak. The first two lines have been well used over the last few decades and are a tad too cliche. They don't grab me by the collar and shake me. I like the third line. It added some action into the verse. The last line in the first verse feels like it was written just to make a rhyme. The second verse comes across cliche as well. While the senitment of "go to work/gotta boss/get my pay" has been staple of country music over the years, I think the singer could break out and put some color into it. Every body goes to work and has a boss and earns some pay. Yes, that's a "tie-in" to the singers audience, however, if it was said with a more hard-handed feel it could give things a good jolt.

The great goodness in the lyric is verse 5 and 6. I believe verse 5 is the strongest in the entire lyric. If those two verses kicked off the song, it would give it a whole new life. I mean, kick it of with a "WHOA, a slam dunk on the Telecaster and then " time just can't pass fast enough"! Now you got your audiences attention! And be sure to repeat the WHOA on occasion in the lyric

The chorus needs more power to it for a song like this. The chorus in this particular lyric has to be stronger than verse 5. There have been a blue million lyrics about boring jobs, tire of the city life, gotta get outta here lyrics. The verse must speak to the masses to make it a worthy lyric. The singer is going to have a tough job topping verse 5 as it stands.

Altogether, if the lyric was shortened to 3 verses, a nailed down bridge and a killer chorus, the singer would have a hard time not making it a top contender.

WHOA ... think I've said enough

**
LC

[eddiez152]

Stratrat,

Nice Lyric's Somehow got this one confused with Hilch from opening too many pages.
Les good information here too.

[Stratrat]

Thanks for the input, everybody.

Les - GREAT critique, thank you.....I was hoping that you'd pop in on this one. I've read your critiques of other peoples' lyrics, and I value your opinion highly. Now that you mention it, I do like verse 5 as the first verse....it is more of an attention grabber.

This is a hard song for me to write because I have a lot to say about the subject matter, and could NEVER run out of material.....I wanted to start off with enough verses that I didn't end up with a minute and a half long song!

Thank you again for the input - I'll keep working on it!

[Hilch]

what great feed back les

awesome

[Aunt Doty]

Strat, I really liked it!

[allthumbs]

keep polishing it strat. It's a keeper.

[knight46]

Stratrat,
Great job!! I would love to hear it put to music.

Les,
As always great comments. The beauty of this site is the open flow of information and constructive critique's.

[starsailor]

Hi Stratrat, Like this song, have you done anything with it?