My new song {lyrics only }

Hilch · #1 March 20th, 2007

I had a bit of a writting challenge in another forum with another member of that forum where we would write songs and send them via PM to each other . Our latest challenge for each other was to write a song about our selves and how we feel see ourselves through our eyes trying to be totally honest with in the lyrics ..

It would have been easy to look back at events that happened in our lives but this is how I see myself when I look into in to a mirror , a honest evaluation ..

I am no oil painting and I know that ...Its' not completely finished in my mind but I thought I would try it in a forum to see what sort of response I would get ..

TREVOR!!

How do you see me
How do you perseve me
When you look into my eyes
Can you read the despise in me

Looking into the mirror
Do I know who I see
Do I reckonise this guy
Looking back at me

With skin ageing like leather
Is this really the boy named Trevor
The curly hair is almost gone
Just like when I was born

How do you see me
How do you perseve me
When you look into my eyes
Can you read the despise in me

X4StringDrive · #2 March 20th, 2007

Not Bad Trev, could be from anyone of us, with IMO an appropriate title of
" Why don't I feel how I look". Tough subject when you add that "totally honest" requirement.

Hilch · #3 March 20th, 2007

Thanks for the feed back 4StringDrive

Cheers

Trev..

Vic Lewis · #4 March 20th, 2007

Not too shabby Trev....one little thing though.....

"Can you read the despise in me" - as far as I'm aware, despise can't be used as a noun, it's a verb - to despise, or as an adverb, despicable...so it throws that line off. You could try something like "When you look in my face, can you read my disgrace"....

Mind you, there is something about your pic that makes me feel nauseous - oh yeah, it's that can of XXXX......

(Vic ducks here to avoid flying {probably empty} tin hurled over the internet.....)

Sorry mate couldn't resist.......!!!!

Pretty good effort.....might need another verse to round it off, but like you said, it's not complete yet....

Vic

Hilch · #5 March 20th, 2007

Thanks Vic { as the can flies through air }

Despise ......Ohhh like I despise those warm beers you drink

I could not resist that one ....

Yeah another verse I agree maybe something along the lines on reflecting back over my life up this point with out pointing out exact events ..

What ever happened to the kid with the smile
Blah blah blah ...

eddiez152 · #6 March 20th, 2007

cool, work it hilch

Hilch · #7 March 21st, 2007

How do you see me
How do you perseve me
When you look in to my face
Can you read my disgrace

Looking into the mirror
Do I know who I see
Do I reckonise this guy
Looking back at me

With skin ageing like leather
Is this really the boy named Trevor
The curly hair is almost gone
Just like when I was born

What ever happened to me
Does anyone really know me
For who I am, who am I
I’m getting older my heart grows colder

How do you see me
How do you perseve me
When you look in to my face
Can you read my disgrace

=====================

edited version maybe the verses coould do with some more tweeking ?

Any way I am going to try to add some music and sing { ha ha me sing }

Next week hopefully

cheers

Trev..

Chris C · #8 March 21st, 2007

Not bad mate. But, geez, you're being a bit hard on yourself in your songs lately. You're too young to be having a 'mid-life crisis' aren't you??

It reminds me a bit of Dylan singing "It ain't dark yet.... but it's getting there..." but then he IS old!

And because I'm a bit of a busybody and an amateur proof reader - try "perceive" "recognise" (or 'recognize', depending on country) and "whatever", they're more usual that way.

Good luck with the music and another verse.

Cheers,

Chris

Hilch · #9 March 21st, 2007

You're too young to be having a 'mid-life crisis' aren't you??

Born 1963 that makes me 44 this year mid meaning middle 44 x 2 = 88 mmm

Yeah I can't see myself liveing till nearly 90 ...

Hard on myself Chris ? I thought I was being totally honest no ribbons or streamers just me , and the way I see myself ..

I could have pinched a Television Show title and used that in my song do you get the Biggest loser in WA ?

Ohh and my poor spelling well I can't say there is an excuse for that as I usually mostly ok sometimes spell check my lyrics before posting ....

Thanks for your feed back Chris

Appreciated

Trev...

chammon · #10 March 21st, 2007

Trevor, I've attached a short mp3 snippet of these lyrics I set to music. Hope you aren't

by the small changes I made to match the beat I selected. Write another stanza and lets tell a story here.

GuitarCanuck · #11 March 21st, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by hilch

How do you see me
How do you perceive me
When you look in to my face
Can you read my disgrace

Looking into the mirror
Do I know who I see
Do I recognise this guy
Looking back at me

With skin aging like leather
Is this really the boy named Trevor
The curly hair is almost gone
Just like when I was born

What ever happened to me
Does anyone really know me
For who I am, who am I
I’m getting older my heart grows colder

How do you see me
How do you perceive me
When you look in to my face
Can you read my disgrace

=====================

Pretty good, quite dark!

Looking forward to hearing the finished track!

I corrected your spelling for you (sorry - I'm anal like that)

Hilch · #12 March 21st, 2007

Wow Chammon

That was brilliant , I can't match that sort of playing or singing and your changes were very good , I love it when someone turns my lyrics into a song . One day I might be able to play that good ..Thak you very much

GuitarCanuck

Yeah sorry about my spelling mistakes mate , I will stand under oath now and pledge to spell check prior to submitting in the future

Thanks

Trev...

Chris C · #13 March 21st, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by GuitarCanuck

!

I corrected your spelling for you (sorry - I'm anal like that)

Hey - two us us!

Actually, "ageing" was OK. "Aging" or "ageing" are both accepted alternatives.

Maybe you use different spellings in N. America?

Quote:

Originally Posted by hilch

Born 1963 that makes me 44 this year mid meaning middle 44 x 2 = 88 mmm

Yeah I can't see myself liveing till nearly 90 ...

OK mate - you win! Can't argue with that logic.

If we blokes expect to live until about 75 (which is what my father and father-in-law made it to) then you can probably say that 'youth' is 0 to 25, the 'middle age' is 25 to 50, and 50 - 75 is 'old'. After that you probably go into the 'lucky' zone.

People often seem keen to pretend that they're still young, but I've never seen anything all that wrong with being old. According to the calculations above I've been in the 'old' group for ten years now, and it feels fine to me. (Although I have been driving a few 80 and 90 year olds around lately, and I must say that did make me feel like I'd wound the clock back a bit!!).

Anyway - enjoy your introspective 'mid-life' period, you've earned it.

Any thoughts of trying a minor key for your version of this one? That's supposed to work well for 'dark' stuff, isn't it? Maybe Am, as that shares a lot of the basics with C Major anyway, so you could probably use a lot of your favourite chords in a bit of a different way. Just a thought.

Cheers,

Chris

Hilch · #14 March 21st, 2007

Your one very funny man Chris ...

This song was only meant to be a honest and accurate description of how I see I see myself at my current age . I feel 99 at times and feel 21 at other times , just like most guys in the 40-60 age bracket I suppose .

I thought to myself when I started this how about I go for the warts and all approch on this , then I started with " looking in a mirror " I actually stood in front of a mirror and wrote down the things that came to mind , i:e baldness , ageing skin from the hot tropical sun over the years ..

It wasn't meant to be anything more than a personal and honest story on me , I did want to put in the song my feelings on the ageing process and all the what ifs' that we all have in our lives . But decided to just go with what I saw looking back at me , I was how ever surprised that the mirror didn't break .

I like the idea of useing Am and fiddled around with Dm and even Fmajor 7 for something different , I then started useing G open 2 measures open C one measure and D7 for one measure .Just a simple strum pattern { nothing too flash } it is me playing though ..

Then just to break it up a little I went G // Em // Am /

Cheers

Trev..

Chris C · #15 March 21st, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by hilch

.

I.Just a simple strum pattern { nothing too flash } it is me playing though ..

Ah, that's the bit that counts though.

It's your song, your words, your singing, your music and your playing, and it's always impressive when somebody takes on the challenge of doing that.

I'm getting quite reasonable at playing now, and I also quite fancy myself as being fairly OK at word-wrestling. So I should have a few songs under my belt by now - I certainly aim for that.

But the big difference between you and me is that while I'm still sitting here playing "Air Songwriter" (apart from 2 or 3 that I did for the SSG forum a while back) you are actually doing it and also being prepared to share all your efforts in public. I admire you greatly for that.

You inspire me to get off my backside and do more songwriting myself..... maybe tomorrow..

But look out... won't be too long and I'll be comin' after ya mate....

Cheers,

Chris