Hi There, 4stringdrive - guessing you're a bass player at heart?
What you've got here is a good idea for a song that isn't fully realised - some good lines and it flows well, but other lines seem a little forced - "strong with might" for example. You'd never, ever use that phrase in everyday conversation would you?
The first couple of lines are scene steers - OK, we can see you're sitting down, pen in hand, trying to get words on paper that make some sense. So the next couple of lines should expand on that....
"Sometimes those words flow, sometimes not,
But I always give them everything I've got...."
Now that's getting the point across that songwriting can be frustrating, no matter how much you put into it, sometimes you just can't articulate your feelings....
Looking at the next verse....
"It's not as simple as you might think
I look at it as swim or sink
It's quite a feeling when it comes out right
It's like my words are strong with might"
I don't like the "Swim or Sink" line - but a much more obvious flaw to me (remember, this is only MY opinion....) is the fact you're changng the point of view without explanation....the first verse, you're talking to yourself - the second, you're adressing an audience....better if you kept the point-of-view the same.
"It's never easy to turn emotions into song,
More often than not it turns out wrong
But now and then when I get it right,
The page lights up like a neon light..."
Again, it's telling the audience it isn't easy to write a deep and meaningful lyric - but there's hope there too, you CAN get it right sometimes - and when you do, the words just jump off the page and hit you in the cerebral cortex.....
"Some of the lines I must confide
are buried secrets I can no longer hide
So on these pages are a part of me
from deep inside that my hands set free"
I like this verse - you're telling us that in every song you write, there's something in it you've gone through - only minor quibble I have, "my hands set free" - why your hands? it's your mind that the emotions are coming from - your brain that's turnng the emotions into words.
The ending's OK - it's telling the listener that you've GOT to write music, you've GOT to express yourself through your lyrics.....
but maybe something like....
"And whether or not it'll ever be read,
I feel better for getting it out of my head..."
kind of reinforces the point you're trying to get across, you HAVE to write, you have to get those emotions, feelings, thoughts, whatever - you have to get them in a song!
Good luck with the writing - I'll be interested to see more - like I said, I think you've got a good basic idea for a song here, you just need to explore the possibilities more thoroughly.....
Vic
