[Hilch]

This is my latest effort maybe someone may like something in it ...
Feed back always welcomed ...

Choices



Its the choices we make
The hearts that we break
The lies that we told
With regret we get old

The lives that we make
The wives that we take
Passion turns to distain

Its the choices we make
The hearts that we break
The lies that we told
With regret we get old


Our hearts grow older
Our memories get colder
Still yearning to hold her

Its the choices we make
The hearts that we break
The lies that we told
With regret we get old

Now sitting reflecting
The lies rearecting
Just crying and regretting

Its the choices we make
The hearts that we break
The lies that we told
With regret we get old

============

I'm trying to work on music for this but with my lack of ability in playing and singing thats a bit tough at the moment ..

Feed back is very much welcomed good or bad , If there is some tweeking anyone can see please reply with your ideas ...

Cheers

Trev..

[Chris C]

Hi Trev,

Your songs are come along nicely mate.

I just sang it through kind of sad and slow with a mixture of G, C and D with a bit of Am and Em chucked in for variety, and it seemed to flow pretty well.

The only thing I changed automatically as I went along was the regrets line. It came out as "Our regrets make us old" and seemed to work OK like that.

Oh, and a "But" sneaked in in front of "still yearning yearning to hold her".

Funnily enough, I spent an hour or two this morning trying to write a song of my own and I couldn't get it right. The words were coming along fine, and the music too, but I just couldn't get the singing happening at all (it's not my strong point anyway, I'm below mediocre...). But I sang yours straight through without a hitch, even though I was making the tune up as I went along. Must be a lesson to be learned there somewhere....

Any ideas for the music happening yet?

Cheers,

Chris

[Hilch]

me and the birds

Is the music I had in mind with out the foot tapping and birds , I was actually trying to find away of getting the words to fit the music ..

This little tune entered my head and I just went with it ...

I like your little suggestions on the wording mate , maybe you could sing that little tune you made up and I could try and follow you with some ordinary guitar playing ..

Just a thought ...



I didn't add vocals to it and its' not long enough for the lyrics yet but that is my goal to have these words and a tune simular to this ...



Thanks for the feed back Chris

As always with me , I am very appreciative of your any anyone elses time to look over my work ..

Trev..

[allthumbs]

The wives that we take - That could be taken in some unintended ways.


Now sitting reflecting
The lies rearecting
Just crying and regretting
A bit awkward, I think. Are you saying that you knew the truth and are now lying to yourself? Maybe redirecting would work better.

[Hilch]

Are you saying that you knew the truth and are now lying to yourself?

Yes , you have the meaning of that verse .

Wives that we take <---I'm not 100% sure what you meant maybe its a international language thing , all that means when I was married the minister asked ,
"Do you Trevor !@$$% Hilch@!@ take this woman as your lawful wedded wife ?

Now sitting reflecting
The lies rearecting <-----Do you mean redirecting here ?
Just crying and regretting

Thanks for the feed back and I hope I have cleared up everything

Trev...

[allthumbs]

The wives you take- could mean a man with multiple wives or a man having affairs with married women.

[Hilch]

Ohhh I didn't realise that one mate ...

Thanks

[Vic Lewis]

Seems to flow OK to me, the meter seems fairly smooth - just a couple of little things. The last line of the first verse...."Passion turns to distain" (I'm presuming you mean DISDAIN?) seems to contradict the last line of the second verse - "Still yearning to hold her" unless you make it clear exactly whose passion has turned to disdain....

And in the last verse - "rearecting" - I really haven't got a clue what that word's supposed to be - guessing it's a mis-spelling, but I'm not sure what is a mis-spelling of...redirecting, as suggested already, or maybe "collecting" would work better...

Last line of the chorus....maybe "We regret when we're old" would work slightly better than "We regret we get old" - seems to flow a little more smoothly without changing much, and fits better with the previous line too....

Those are only minor tweaks though - no major structural repairs indicated!!! You're getting better at this songwriting game , improving steadily - keep up the good work! Practise and hard work DOES pay off, you see?



Vic

Vic

[Hilch]

Ohhhh my spelling has come back to haunt me ...

DISDAIN ..... oops sorry

rearecting ....Would you believe re-erecting { I don't know if its' even a word but we use it at work }


Thanks for the feed back and I have been trying to slow down my strumming so it would be closer to the feel of the song , But I think I will have to use different chords now ..Like Chris said G C D with a little Am thrown into the mix ...

Cheers

Trev...

[X4StringDrive]

Hey hilch, hows it coming along, I notice some simularities in our writing style and of course I'm not ready to even try to compose any thing to mine, curious on how yours turns out.

[Hilch]

Been fairly busy with work lately I have not done a single thing for about a week ..

Slowly , hopefully this week I can do something { fingers crossed }

Trev..