Guitar/ Music Jokes

danthelion · #1 January 9th, 2006

I though it would be good to have a thread just for clean guitar and music jokes, so to get the ball rolling here goes:

Q: What do you get when you cross a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?

A: A demented chord.

Vorrin · #2 January 9th, 2006

I couldnt find one, so I decided I would make one up.

These 2 guitar strings meet in a bar over drinks.

After a few drinks one guitar string says to the other one.

"Can I ask how you stay so clean and beautiful while I am all ragged and worn " ?

The second guitar strings replied

"Dont Fret"

mcknett · #3 January 9th, 2006

How about this one...

Three notes walk into a bar, a C, an E-flat and a G. The bartender looks up and says he doesn't serve minors.

So the E-flat leaves and the C and G have a fifth between them.

Vorrin · #4 January 9th, 2006

haha thats a good one !

justinthyme · #5 January 9th, 2006

hmmm, can't find a way to delete this message - so please ignore.

justinthyme · #6 January 9th, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcknett

How about this one...

Three notes walk into a bar, a C, an E-flat and a G. The bartender looks up and says he doesn't serve minors.

So the E-flat leaves and the C and G have a fifth between them.

Excellent! What did the staff think?

si16 · #7 January 9th, 2006

Not quite a joke more an anecdote which jazz guitarist Herb Ellis used to tell. Apparently there was a punk band playing at the Royal Albert Hall in London in the 70s when punk was big in the UK. Backstage before the gig the guitarist was sitting, wearing ripped jeans, and string vest, a pin through his nose and sporting a huge mohican dyed green, and he was tuning his guitar. And he kept tuning it and tuning it until the stage manager beame irritated and said "You've been tuning that guitar for over an hour. We had Andres Segovia here once and he tuned up in a couple of minutes". The punk, somewhat annoyed, just stared back and replied "Yeah, well maybe he don't ****ing care!"

I know you said keep it clean but I couldn't resist it.

allthumbs · #8 January 9th, 2006

Resist

Jason · #9 January 11th, 2006

well said thumbs....lol

allthumbs · #10 January 11th, 2006

A major chord walks into a bar and starts drinking. He can't hold his booze so he drops his third drink. The bartender scowls. When he drops his 5th, the bartender cut him of due to diminished sobriety.
He did the same thing to another chord who was getting loud and talking sharply to the other patrons after his 5th drink. He cut him off because the chord was too augmentative.
You have to know your chords to get those jokes.

si16 · #11 January 11th, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by allthumbs

He did the same thing to another chord who was getting loud and talking sharply to the other patrons after his 5th drink. He cut him off because the chord was too augmentative.

Pretty funny

. But since this is comedy I think you need to use a few more cuss words.

Stephen · #12 January 11th, 2006

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but
we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have
an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but
the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and
exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this
bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to
have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're
looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a
rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to
the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is
found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all
accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so
patrons, with the sopranout in the bathroom, and everything has become
altoo much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

justinthyme · #13 January 12th, 2006

The root of the problem being that he'd made an arrangement to employ treble staff that night?

nowhere-man · #14 January 12th, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by allthumbs

You have to know your chords to get those jokes.

Jokes? What jokes?

allthumbs · #15 January 12th, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by nowhere-man

Jokes? What jokes?

A diminished chord has a b3 and b5. An augmented chord has a #5. (tough crowd)