You are so ready to buy Kirks' book
Plane Talk and DVD. It is exactly what your looking for. It is a simple way to understand the workings of music. It will answer all the missing pieces in your playing. We have members on the plane talk forum who have gone through what you have. Part of the reason Kirk developed it was so ,as a working studio player, he could talk musical ideas with those around him. If a producer asks you to add sus7s as passing chords to a recording for instance, plane talk will show you where they are all over the neck. Trust me,buy his stuff, it will change your life musicly.