8 replies to this topic

[MidnightRider]

Here's a bluesy acoustic song I wrote:


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When I pay my taxes, when I fail my classes,
When I don’t pass the test

When I’ve lost my motivation, because of self deprivation,
When I can’t find a job

When I owe the court, because of my criminal report
My P.O. called I got to meet him, in downtown Waukegan.
When Uncle Sam’s on my back


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When I’m all alone, with no girl to call my own
When I’m sexually frustrated

When the bills pile up, and my credit’s a bust
When I don’t got a bed of my own


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When I mumble every night, cigarette burn on my thigh
When I just fall asleep

When I can’t read the Gospel, never seen a miracle
When God won’t talk to me


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames
When life’s not going your way, just set the world a blaze.

[solidwalnut]

Blues tunes are often really dark. You've got that part down, all right. Scorched earth policy, huh

[starsailor]

Neat idea MidnightRider good to see you around again, I've been messing around with this just wondered if you'd be into a rewrite, I was thinking of bringing the last verse in a couple more times and I've added some lines, sort of ran with the lyrics you wrote, if you're into doing it I can post up what I've written and if you like them, would like to post a take which I've been working on, no worries if you don't want to change it much, do like this though.

[MidnightRider]

starsailor, on 17 August 2010 - 05:06 AM, said:

Neat idea MidnightRider good to see you around again, I've been messing around with this just wondered if you'd be into a rewrite, I was thinking of bringing the last verse in a couple more times and I've added some lines, sort of ran with the lyrics you wrote, if you're into doing it I can post up what I've written and if you like them, would like to post a take which I've been working on, no worries if you don't want to change it much, do like this though.

Yeah, let's see what you've got.

[starsailor]

MidnightRider, on 25 August 2010 - 08:25 PM, said:

Yeah, let's see what you've got.

Hi Midnightrider, here's what I've done, if you like where I've gone, I can post a take on them, or if you're not too sure and want to make some changes that's cool too, I've made some changes but hopefully I stuck with the original idea. I replaced Sometimes with I Just wanna which linked into the verses, and used the last verse as a chorus with a line added. sort of made a story of it. Hope you like it but no worries if it needs changing.


I just wanna set the world on fire

I just wanna set the world on fire
I just wanna see the world ablaze
I'm just having having one of those lives
I just wanna fill the sky with flames

When I get kicked out of college cos I won't play the game
And my Pa turns round and says he's ashamed

I just wanna set the world on fire

When I've lost my motivation, cos of self depravation
When I can't find a job

I just wanna set the world on fire

When the neighbours complain my music's too loud
My landlord evicts me so I punch his lights out

I just wanna set the world on fire

When the police say it's ok your parent's 'll bail ya
I say I don't think so cos. they think I'm a failure

I just wanna set the world on fire

I just wanna set the world on fire
I just wanna see the world ablaze
I'm just having having one of those lives
I just wanna fill the sky with flames

When I owe the court cos. of my criminal report
My P.O. calls says meet me in downtown Waukegan
But I don't arrive get slung back in jail again

I just wanna set the world on fire

When I'm all alone, no girl of my own
And I'm sexually frustrated

I just wanna set the world on fire

When the bills pile up, my credits a bust
And I don't gotta bed a my own

I just wanna set the world on fire

When I can't read the Gospel never seen a miracle
When God won't talk to me and show me a better way

I just wanna set the world on fire

I just wanna set the world on fire
I just wanna see the world ablaze
I'm just having having one of those lives
I just wanna fill the sky with flames

All The Best

Chris

Edited by starsailor, 27 August 2010 - 01:55 PM.

[Lcjones]

"I just wanna set the world on fire
I just wanna see the world ablaze
I'm just having having one of those lives
I just wanna fill the sky with flames"

There's just too many "just's" the lyrics. It becomes lethargic and boring. This is crying for some action by the singer.


I just want to see the world on fire
Take a torch and set it ablaze
When the ashes flame out and the cinders cool
I won't be anyone's slave


"Just" a thought.
..
LC

[starsailor]

Fair comment LC, I had it in my head that the singer's completely fed up so thought of expressing that in the song, it is a bit repetitive though, there is of course that danger that the listener or reader will just get fed up too, I set up the song with the intro verse being the same as the one liner I just wanna set the world on fire then the small verses are sort of spoken through with a degree of vitriol and the chorus acts as a break and is a bit lighter then back to the vitriol again, I don't know if it's boring or just catchy, I kind of like it but the listener decides really not me, it could just turn into a boring dirge, certainly on paper it does come across that way a bit, a lot of songs are repetitive though so the song is at the mercy of the delivery, if I get that wrong I've failed. I like your lyrics too though they do express the person's frustration which is what I focussed on too but I tried to express that in the verses, I'm hoping it works but it's possible it won't.

[Lcjones]

Valid points Star. Verse though, while telling the story, lead a listener to the "chorus". which is the payoff moment. The chorus is the "high" point. The verses are just a means to get there. The chorus needs to be different.



**
LC

[starsailor]

Lcjones, on 28 August 2010 - 08:36 AM, said:

Valid points Star. Verse though, while telling the story, lead a listener to the "chorus". which is the payoff moment. The chorus is the "high" point. The verses are just a means to get there. The chorus needs to be different.



**
LC

I do agree with you to a certain extent LC but I don't necessarily agree that, that's a general rule, the one song that comes to mind that uses a certain degree of repetition is Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees, it's a completely different song to this one of course but it uses repetition, the chorus use the same words as some of the lines then repeats over and back into the verse.

Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.

And it goes on overdrive repetition wise later on

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive

© Bee Gees

This song uses the music to move thing's around and the constant use of Stayin' Alive acts as the hook.
I don't know if it works for mine of course, that ones a dance track, the idea for Midnight's song is slower so it is possible the listener could get bored I kind of like it but it's not for me to judge, some things work, some thing's don't, I did do a chorus with different lines but it seemed to flow better with the repetition.