[lorsban]

Hey guys,

Here's a song I wrote when I met my wife about 6 years ago. I don't know, I was just really happy and it just came out.

I apologize for the bad recording and cheesy comments. Haha!

Constructive criticism is highly appreciated.

Thanks for listening and best regards!

lorsban

[Kirk Lorange]

Nice one, lorsban, it does indeed sound like you were happy. My only comment is that it lacks a bit of light and shade. Once the 'band' starts up it sits on that one level of intensity and tonality until the ending. But, all in all a good effort.

[lorsban]

Hello Mr. Lorange,

Thank you for your comments! May I ask what you mean by "light and shade?"

As in there should be a change in mood like a lead-up or build up of sorts? Or just plain contrast?

By the way, I just ordered Plane Talk but it hasn't arrived yet. In a few months or so, I'm planning to rewrite this song with the help of your programme. I'm really excited over that.

Again, thank you for listening!

regards,

lorsban

[SlickCat]

Lorsban,
I liked your lead guitar playing.
Was this done on a backing track? Drums and rhythm?
That may be why everything sounds so even.

A great song needs dynamics. Changes in Volume and tone.
BB King said it right. "A song is like telling a story, it needs a beginning middle and end" It needs to catch the listener's attention, keep them interested and have them totally satisfied at the end! Easy to say.......not so easy to do.

[lorsban]

Hello Slickcat,

The rhythm parts were laid down part by part. I started with rhythm guitars, then bass and drums (which were done using the recorder's built in drum machine).

The difficulty I have is that I can't change time signatures since the drums can only have one bpm setting. I would've liked to have parts that were more drawn out with more space but it's difficult to do without the drums to set the proper tempo - so there's just one.

What I can do is draw out the small bridge part so that I can build it up again. Maybe I can use more mellow drums or something. I'll have to experiment. It's the first song I was able to complete. I guess I was too caught up with completing it than with the song structure itself.

Again, thanks for your comments!

regards,

lorsban

[Kirk Lorange]

Hi, lorsban. Yes, by 'light and shade' I meant a bit more contrast, builds, break-downs, dynamics. It can all be as subtle as you please, but you need to keep the listener interested. There are countless ways to do that.

[windsong]

sounded nice

[lorsban]

Originally Posted by Kirk Lorange

Hi, lorsban. Yes, by 'light and shade' I meant a bit more contrast, builds, break-downs, dynamics. It can all be as subtle as you please, but you need to keep the listener interested. There are countless ways to do that.

Ok, I'll keep that in mind when I redo it. I'm really glad I posted it here. It's awesome to hear what other people think because it gives you so many perspectives.

Anyway, thanks again! I truly value your input.

[thodwris]

Hello lorsban...
A great song,I liked it very much!Great guitar playing,congratulations !I will leave the experts to give you the feedback you need.The only thing I would want in that song would be some lyrics...
All the best,
Theo

[lorsban]

Originally Posted by thodwris

Hello lorsban...
A great song,I liked it very much!Great guitar playing,congratulations !I will leave the experts to give you the feedback you need.The only thing I would want in that song would be some lyrics...
All the best,
Theo

Hey Theo,

Thanks for the kind words! My playing has a long way to go but I'm glad you found it ok.

About lyrics, I'm not a singer and I'm a huge fan of instrumentalists like Joe Satriani, Guthrie Govan, Andy Timmons, Steve Vai etc...So, I'm probably not going to write songs with lyrics anytime soon.

Anyway, thanks for listening!

lorsban

[thodwris]

Hello again lorsban..
You don't have to thank me for my comments,I just expressed what I felt !I thank you for posting this great song...
I listened once more to your song after getting your response...I can see now clearer what you were talking about.It can be an istrumental song all right.Knowing your influences,I can see better where you wanted to go with your song.It was great!Sorry for not being able to look at this earlier...
All the best,
Theo

[lorsban]

Hey Theo,

No apologies needed, friend. In all honesty if I could sing, I'd probably put lyrics but since my voice doesn't sound so good, I'll have to work on the guitar. hahaha!

I'll be redoing my songs in a few months, when I do, I'd appreciate it if you'd have a listen. Continuous improvement is the name of the game and I need all the help I can get.

regards,

lorsban

[thodwris]

Hello lorsban,hello friend...
I must say that you never know what your voice sounds like if you don't give it a shot.I would suggest that you record a demo where you will play and also sing and then decide .Manking songs like the one you did though can be great,as you said there are a lot of guitarists that don't use lyrics...
It is an honor asking me to take a listen to your songs when you will redo them.Thank you very much.Make sure to remind us of that though,so that we will be able to listen to both songs(before and after)and see the differences....
All the best,
Theo

[almaink]

LOL, I saw the song name "Everything" and though it was a cover of the John Eddie song.

[knight46]

Good start lorsban, nice tune and good playing.