[kiendoc]

Hello guys, I need a little help with a song I'm trying to put together,so be objective and honest as I know you always are.
Have you ever wondered how it would feel, if when you passed away you could view your own funeral? This is the premise I attempted to be the climax of the song, but I think I may be too close to the thing and can't decide if I need some kind of hook before I get to the final verse or not. the background track will be an instrumental of "Precious Memories".

"I'm so sorry for your loss,"
dozens of times you've heard it by now,
and while I'm sure their sincere,
when they walk away, you shake your head and
just look down.
For them tomorrow will come and everything will be
right once more,
but for you, your only future, will lie silent....in the
ground.


You know they mean well, after all, what can they say?
They can't cry your tears of love,
they can't feel your heart of pain.
They can't see the deep abyss, which bemoans your
very soul.
And Lord, no matter who they are, I pray of these
things, they will never know.


While it's good to gather together, to take part in these
final hours,
I hope it makes these few days a little easier, and
maybe, they can supply some power, for to cope
with this sorrow, any help is welcome now.

Please Lord, grant them a lasting peace, when they
find themselves alone, after the last person leaves.
And all that's left, is a grave, with some flowers,
for only you can deliver them, for there is no other
power.
As for me Lord, I'm in your hands now.
I know I didn't deserve to, and I won't ask why,
you gave me the privledge, to view my last final
hours.

[carol m]

This is interesting kiendoc - when you say the backing track will be an instrumental do you intend to have the words spoken over the bt, or sing a melody?

I thought it was interesting how the llistener doesn't realise the funeral is the singer/narrator's own funeral until the end, and that is a kind of hook isn't it?

Please bear in mind that I'm a bit of a beginner in the songwriting department myself, but hopefully some other members will be along soon with some more ideas.

[kiendoc]

Thanks for your comments Carol. I thought I would do a narration over the backtrack, similar to Porter Wagoner, J D Sumner, or the late Red Sovine if youve ever heard of them. I'm probably about the only country-western lover on the site, but that's ok, it's good to be different sometimes, but I love the way those guys did theirs. Thanks again.

[carol m]

You're definitely not the only country western fan on this site. You'll get to know who they are as you surf around the posts. I checked your singers out, and you're right, I hadn't heard of them, but for others who don't know, here are a couple of links.

Here is a voice that is so looooow it's amazing

YouTube - "The Lord Still Lives In This Old House" By JD Sumner (FULL)

and here is a hairstyle that is, well, what can I say.......

YouTube - Porter Wagoner - Green Green Grass Of Home

[starsailor]

There's plenty of Country and Western fans here Kiendoc but I hadn't heard those guys before so thanks for the links, I sang along to Green Green Grass of home the version I know was done by Tom Jones who's a legend over here but I enjoyed Peter Wagoner's version, the guy on the Lord still lives has the deepest voice I've ever heard that was good.

I found this piano track for the Precious Memories song, listened to a few versions of this but took a bit of time to find one with just the music so I hope I've got the right song, pretty sure I have it was written by J.B.F. Wright.

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

The link to the tune is at the bottom of the page it's a midi track but played ok on Windows media player, going to try and convert it to MP3. as it's a nice tune.

I took the piano track and have been singing/narrating your lyrics over it, still working on it but most of the lyrics flow with the song, the only ones that didn't sit comfortably for me were the verse 3 lyrics.

While it's good to gather together, to take part in these
final hours,
I hope it makes these few days a little easier, and
maybe, they can supply some power, for to cope
with this sorrow, any help is welcome now.

Only done a quick run through so it could be my delivery but there the ones that tripped me up probably need a few more attempts, don't know if you've sung it through yet or if the tempo is the same as your track so they might be ok for you and it's entirely up to you if you change them but for me they didn't have the same flow as the rest of the song, hope this helps a bit, in my lower moments I have thought what it would be like to look down on my own funeral but I'm not too sure if I'd want to, I've made it clear to my Family that I want them to have a party when I die, I couldn't bear the thought of them being sad, I don't think I could cope with that.

Chris

[kiendoc]

Thanks Chris I think you're probably right about the flow on verse 3, I'm going to try to lubricate it some before I try a final version.
Thanks so much for the backtrack of Precious Memories, I'm going with one a little slower tempo. J. D. Sumner is the guy with the deep bass voice,as a matter of fact he was in the Guiness Book of World Records as having the deepest bass voice of any man alive at one time. He sang bass with the Stamps Quartet and they sang a lot of backup and harmony for Elvis Presley right up to his final concert in 1977. J.D. Sumner wrote a memorial song for Elvis after he died called, "Elvis has Left the Building" which can be found on youtube.com. This is the version of Precious Memories I want to try to use as backup for mine or at least as close to it as I can find.
I lost my grand-daughter recently and these kind of lyrics seem sort of healing to me a little. I wrote these lyrics walking down the hall at work in about 10 minutes,maybe she's helping me along some, but I'll work on verse 3 and you don't know how much I appreciate your guys help in answering with your opinions. Any and all advice welcome, and about the coping, well it's an ironic thing sometimes. I haven't written much but lately,it seems to come fairly quickly and helps alot,especially when I can bounce it off you guys and know i can get an objective view as well as a love and respect for the music in general.....when it comes to the ones we love most,it has to flow with as much love and respect as we can express and learn to lean a little on those who can express themselves a little better than ourselves. It is with this love and respect for the music that I lean on all of you.

Thanks so much.......Kiendoc