[agent0064life]

Need help finishing this song and I ran out of ideas so now I'm putting this in the collab forum to make something out of this... well anyways here's the original post:

Been in sort of a numb mood for the past few months and I think this sort of reflects that... Song lyrics aren't quite finished yet but I have the chorus/ending done. Just to let you know how it sounds in my head I hear sort of a 30 seconds to mars-attack sort of tune. Of course that will change about 10 times because I'll go read the lyrics tomorrow and forget how they sounded in my head but anyways here it is. I haven't really identified the chorus from the end but this is the end of the song... and the chorus is in there somewhere.

The Purpose
The meaning
Life's so deceiving
Chasing the prize
What they made you believe
but the prize is the chase
The chase to the end
Time doesn't wait
While we waste away-
Chasing the prize
but the prize is the chase-
The purpose
The meaning
Life's so deceiving
It is


I'm kind of stuck in a rut as to verses and such but I'm sure it'll come along as it always does... I'll update you when I come up with more stuff...constructive criticism and opinons/help appreciated.

Thanks

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And now I've added, after when todays the day:

Go out standing
so get off your knees
Programmed to love
to love and to hate
Is that our destiny
our true fate


also I've added, after

the chase to the end
time doesn't wait
while we waste away and

this:

Wait for the chase to end
but it never does
so you don't give up
Kept, proddin - pokin away
Kept tryin
With your useless attemps
But you never forget
when it ends this way----

(go into chorus whatever the heck it may turn out to be)

[X4StringDrive]

Hi 006...don't know where your trying to go with this musically, then again I don't know where I'm trying to go either{lol}..anyways heres how I see it developing in my head ...Nice start by the way

The purpose
the meaning
why is it
lifes so deceiving

Time doesn't wait
while we waste away
chasing the prize
day after day

They make you believe
the words they do bend
but the prize is the chase
the chase to the end


Just my thoughts using your train of thought{so to speak}, still needs a chorus and to use the rest of your lyrics, but I thought I would throw it up in here and see what you think.

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by X4StringDrive

Hi 006...don't know where your trying to go with this musically, then again I don't know where I'm trying to go either{lol}..anyways heres how I see it developing in my head ...Nice start by the way

The purpose
the meaning
why is it
lifes so deceiving

Time doesn't wait
while we waste away
chasing the prize
day after day

They make you believe
the words they do bend
but the prize is the chase
the chase to the end


Just my thoughts using your train of thought{so to speak}, still needs a chorus and to use the rest of your lyrics, but I thought I would throw it up in here and see what you think.

I thought I'd wade in with X4String and have a go at this 006, I'v had a bit of trouble deciphering your train of thought but X4String has unjumbled things a bit, all your ideas have just landed on the page in a constant stream of thought which is pretty cool but it's now a process of constucting it, so here's my attempt, don't worry if you don't like it, it's more an attempt to help you find a direction for the song, hope it helps in some way.

I've taken the last verse on Kenny's post and used it as the chorus, if that's ok, I've also rearranged the words and added a couple but the majority of the words are still there as they belong to you.





The Prize

V1

Life's so deceiving
The purpose the meaning
Always chasing the prize
What they made us believe in

V2

The prize is the chase
A chase to the end
No time doesn't wait
While we waste away
Chasing the prize
The purpose the meaning

CHORUS

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

V3

We're programmed to love
To love and to hate
Is that our destiny
Our only true fate

V4

Will the chase ever end
No it never does
But we don't give up
Keep proddin' and pokin'
With our useless attempts
We keep tryin' and hopin'

CHORUS TO END

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

The prize is the chase
The chase to the end

[X4StringDrive]

Well done Starsailor, don't know either if this is what 006 is leaning for, but very well constructed, very well indeed.

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by X4StringDrive

Well done Starsailor, don't know either if this is what 006 is leaning for, but very well constructed, very well indeed.

Thought I'd have a go Kenny, I looked at this when it was first posted but had trouble getting a feel for it although I did like it, you putting it into verses made the song real to me, I don't know how you Songwrite but I do have a load of ideas in my head which I thin down and then put on paper,006 has put all those ideas on paper straight off so it's a good example of where songwriting begins.
I hope he likes what we've done and that the suggestions are useful to him, I'm no expert as I seem to say a lot but I always try to help members out if I can as I know you do

[eddiez152]

Good one folks. Soon to be a tune I suspect ?

[agent0064life]

Yeah great ideas I didn't really know where I was going which is why I put it here...

Wow I'm horrible at leading collaberations but I do know we need a singer, guitarist(s), drummer, and all that jazz but first we have to finalize the song itself...

I like to think of a song as a story.... you have the intro where there's some sort of conflict (check), A way to deal with the conflict (sort of check), Leading up to climax, climax, and some sort of resolution.

Someone else can "lead" the project as I don't have the ability to mix tracks well and, well, lead but it can be sort of an open forum thing where we just bounce ideas back and forth and see what sticks on the wall. The hardest thing is probably going to find the right style of voice because this seems like a retro group of posters *well from what I've observed*. I'm not looking to make a record or anything but I don't hear a Van Morrison type singing this song, if you know what I mean. You all are doing a great job and I just wanted my words to be turned into music.

[starsailor]

Hi 006, Good to see you're happy with the progress, X4String started the ball rolling by giving the words some direction, I've just posted Ideas for the song and I know you might not want to be the leader you'll have to lead to a certain extent as the original idea came from you, if you want to take what we've done and fill it out so it fits your criteria for a song then that would move us on, collaborations are a Democratic process but we need you to find a direction with some help from us, it's up to you what style you want to do, I like the term Retro - posters we have a lot of miles on the clock, I can't speak for X4String but I personally have grown up with music from the mid 60s to the present day and like music from all the decades, so if you want it to be modern that's not a problem.
The theme is quite dark so you could do an EMO type of thing or you could do Metal or you could go back and do a Leonard Cohen or Lou Reed type of thing, there is no reason why your voice shouldn't fit the song but that's up to you, members will help you with recording and the rest so don't worry too much about that for now.

Cheers

Chris

[agent0064life]

My brain isn't in that directional mode right now... I'll stop thinking about this for today and see if I can get the entire structure for the song tomorrow when I'm doing something else... There's no deadline and I don't want to rush the creative process.

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by agent0064life

My brain isn't in that directional mode right now... I'll stop thinking about this for today and see if I can get the entire structure for the song tomorrow when I'm doing something else... There's no deadline and I don't want to rush the creative process.

That's cool Agent, if your struggling at all just put in a post, like you said we can bounce ideas off each other, hope I wasn't too pushy, what you've written so far is good and there's plenty of time to work on the song, look after yourself and talk to you soon

Best Wishes

Chris

[agent0064life]

Went ahead and broke this down.....

ended up only breaking down the first stanza but I did a dry run of a couple of the verses/chorus just to let you know how I hear the song in my head... mind you I'm hitting a lot of flat notes but this is just to give you guys a more detailed view of how I hear it.

Originally Posted by starsailor

I thought I'd wade in with X4String and have a go at this 006, I'v had a bit of trouble deciphering your train of thought but X4String has unjumbled things a bit, all your ideas have just landed on the page in a constant stream of thought which is pretty cool but it's now a process of constucting it, so here's my attempt, don't worry if you don't like it, it's more an attempt to help you find a direction for the song, hope it helps in some way.

I've taken the last verse on Kenny's post and used it as the chorus, if that's ok, I've also rearranged the words and added a couple but the majority of the words are still there as they belong to you.





The Prize

V1

Life's so deceiving
The purpose the meaning
Always chasing the prize --Sing this line and the previous one in your head... seems like always doesn't fit in there not sure what else to put or take it out but it doesn't seem to flow.... thinking as I write here but what if we switch this line and the next one... gives the first three lines a little more fast of a fast pace but it flows better
What they made us believe in

Like this

Life's so deceiving
The purpose the meaning (pause)
What they made us believe in

V2

The prize is the chase
A chase to the end
No time doesn't wait
While we waste away
Chasing the prize
The purpose the meaning

CHORUS

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

V3

We're programmed to love
To love and to hate
Is that our destiny
Our only true fate

V4

Will the chase ever end
No it never does
But we don't give up
Keep proddin' and pokin'
With our useless attempts
We keep tryin' and hopin'

CHORUS TO END

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

The prize is the chase
The chase to the end

[agent0064life]

Oh my... sorry my voice killed half of GFB+Bs readers!!! After listening to it again guess I was eitiher A) on an emotional high or B)the opposite

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by agent0064life

Oh my... sorry my voice killed half of GFB+Bs readers!!! After listening to it again guess I was eitiher A) on an emotional high or B)the opposite

No we're all still alive Agent, that's ok, it's a first take to give you some idea of how you want to sing it, you need to work on some chords and decide what tempo you want the song to be in, you can just work on it slowly and the first part of the song will come together

[starsailor]

Originally Posted by agent0064life

Went ahead and broke this down.....

ended up only breaking down the first stanza but I did a dry run of a couple of the verses/chorus just to let you know how I hear the song in my head... mind you I'm hitting a lot of flat notes but this is just to give you guys a more detailed view of how I hear it.

The Prize

V1

Life's so deceiving
The purpose the meaning
Always chasing the prize --Sing this line and the previous one in your head... seems like always doesn't fit in there not sure what else to put or take it out but it doesn't seem to flow.... thinking as I write here but what if we switch this line and the next one... gives the first three lines a little more fast of a fast pace but it flows better
What they made us believe in

Like this

Life's so deceiving
The purpose the meaning (pause)
What they made us believe in

V2

The prize is the chase
A chase to the end
No time doesn't wait
While we waste away
Chasing the prize
The purpose the meaning

CHORUS

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

V3

We're programmed to love
To love and to hate
Is that our destiny
Our only true fate

V4

Will the chase ever end
No it never does
But we don't give up
Keep proddin' and pokin'
With our useless attempts
We keep tryin' and hopin'

CHORUS TO END

They make you believe
The words they do bend
But the prize is the chase
The chase to the end

The prize is the chase
The chase to the end

Agent if you take the Always chasing the prize line out of the first verse the song loses it's theme straight away as the first line of the second verse doesn't make sense and people won't know what it means as there is no lead into it, that's the one line I wouldn't take out, I had a go at singing it the other day and that line does work for me anyway that line is the foundation for the song in my opinion

[agent0064life]

What I ended up doing was switching the third and fourth lines. I like the A, A, A, B rhyme pattern for the intro.