[Metallica ROCKS!!!]

HELLO

okay the other night i was having a few cold ones with my mates and when they all passed out (PIKERS) i started listening to one of my old cds and came across mine and my ex girlfriends song. and all these thoughts came into my head and i wrote them down and the next day i seen it and i wasnt in the same frame of mind and i cant think of nething else PLEASE HELP ME!!!! its my first so if you can tell me if i can make any improvments to what ive done

here it is:
-: INSTRUMENTAL :-

VERSE 1
I dont know what youve done to me
I dont &*^%$ understand
I guess im just an abductee
Im under your command

VERSE 2
I dont know why i feel this way
Im dazed and confused
Its always the same cliche
Im only there to be used

CHORUS

yeah as you can see she cheated on me (the bleaping bleap lol) but yeah if you can please help.

THANK YOU

[CanuckTodd]

Originally Posted by Lcjones

... or if uninspired because the singer got jilted by a cheating partner, turn it around and write from the perspective of a singer that is glad it's over and now a free bird ....


just a thought ... ;
**

Hmmm... good thought Les! Of course Free Bird is already taken, but I'm sure something else will fit the bill!

[solidwalnut]

Originally Posted by Lcjones

... or if uninspired because the singer got jilted by a cheating partner, turn it around and write from the perspective of a singer that is glad it's over and now a free bird ....


just a thought ... ;
**

Good one....

[Metallica ROCKS!!!]

thats a good idea im gonna put that song away and im gonna start a new one based on the singers perspective thanks dude.