Good stuff.
I loved your playing and your voice. To be honest I didn't expect to like the song, based on a reading of the words, but as so often happens the music and voice brought it all to life. Some minor things, as I'm thinking that's what you're asking for:
A couple of the pauses in the middle of words didn't seem to work quite as well as others (like "ghost...........ly").
I also wasn't so sure about to emphasis on "yours for
the taking" and wondered how it would sound with a longer "for" and a short "the taking".
About the only other thing was that I thought the first verse could have been stronger. It didn't quite do it for me. Fiction writers often start with a dummy beginning and then write fresh starting paragraphs last of all - because a good punchy opening is seen as being very important.
But these are minor points indeed. I'm green with envy. And the real test is that for the last few minutes your song has been looping around and around 6 or 7 times, and I've enjoyed it every time. I'm usually
very quick on the kill button with songs from forums.
Good job. I'd love to be half as good...
Cheers,
Chris