Here are some lyrics that a friend has given me to have a look at for her.
I am completely lost as to how to advise her on this, as, to put it bluntly, i really dont see it going anywhere.
Some of the things i did saw was..
-The verses are too long
-Doesnt make sense, or tell a story (when i asked what story she intended to tell with this story, she said she didnt know
)
-The rhymes seem to perfect to me, almost like the song has been written by finding the rhymes...
She has asked me to try and come up with some chords she can play along with it, but i cant really get a hinkling of a vocal melody for it, and she says she doesnt have one, which doesnt make sense (to me anyway), i tend to write, with the melody and story i am trying to tell in mind, so i can try and remain to the point somewhat.
Anyway, i figured id stick it up here and see what the experts have to say, anybody who has read any of my offerings knows i am far from an expert myself.
I just want some honest opinions on this, so i have somewhere to go with advising her on it.
Thanks. Matty
Verse 1.
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Tortured and twisted, not o be trusted,
Let’s see what it takes till I feel disgusted.
Twisted and bend, till I’m not me,
Drowning in this sea of conspiracy.
Life its self could be much worse,
Is it really living in a curse.
Can’t see it from your point of view,
But if I could would it be true.
All the time you were helping me,
Weather it worked I can not guarantee.
Seeping into the pit of despair,
And through out it all you were unaware.
Chorus.
-------
Inside I was black and blue,
And for that I thank-you.
My heart was tangled and bruised,
Never could I feel so used.
Verse 2.
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In the quiet city I sleep,
But inside my nightmares creep.
All these feelings I can not hide,
Wake me from this life, I’ve tried.
Beside me al I see is pain,
Like a thundering, crashing rain.
The darkness spreads like a growing tree,
I run so hard but can never flee.
All this time we have shared,
It was I fight that you declared.
Wishing I was no where here,
But somewhere near the next frontier.
Chorus.
-------
Inside I was black and blue,
And for that I thank-you.
My heart was tangled and bruised,
Never could I feel so used.
Verse 3.
--------
Broken and damaged till I’m not me,
Now my life’s a misery.
Can’t wait till I’m free to escape,
Thinking it’s my biggest mistake.
All the time I was in the cloud,
Was it because I was always so proud.
I was just a mental wreckage,
Nothing but a mangled package.
Now I’m left to drag this load,
Do I have to walk this road.
I was once happy and bright,
To be worried, I was right.
Bridge.
-------
Speaking I’m a secret code,
Fearing that I might explode.
Now the sun is shinning bright,
But still I can not take flight.
Chorus.
-------
Inside I am black and blue,
And for that I thank-you.
My heart is tangled and bruised,
Never can I feel more used.