How about the guitarist who went to the doctor and the doctor said 'I'm sorry it's bad news - you've only got two weeks to live'. 'Two weeks', the guy says, 'and what the hell am I supposed to live on?'
This is apparently a true story from jazz saxophonist Lester Young. He said to one of his creditors who had been giving him a hard time 'Look, when I get a bill I put it in that bin there, and when I've got some money I pick one out and pay it. But if you carry on talking to me like that, I'll stop putting yours in the bin'
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