Hi, John. I like the sound much better ... I can hear what you're playing now.
You asked for 'raw comments' ... mine would be: There are certainly some nice melodic passages in there, but 'lose the needless pentatonic runs'. As soon as I hear those, I know you've lost the melodic track you were on and you're now just letting muscle memory do the playing for you. I'd rather hear nothing at all than hear those pentatonic runs, personally. The backing track is so beautiful ... let it shine through. There are a couple of neat changes in there too (one at 1:51) that that were blurred out by the pentatonics, which just stopped working at those points.
I know you're just about to receive
PlaneTalk ... you'll be reading about the opposite approach to improvising, namely following the changes,
not playing scales, consciously, anyway. I think you're going to have a few 'Aha' moments reading it and viewing the DVD.
Raw enough for you?
PS: That's a nice backing track ... is it yours to upload? I wouldn't mind having a play over it myself.