Hey Rando,
I guess I should have worded that a bit differently ..... but I'm glad and appreciate your comments.
My meaning is this .....
First draft songs are just that. I posted quite an unfinished product. I was all excited about what I thought I had accomplished.
So here's my take on this tune/lyric.
1) I like the music. I think it can be a refined, but for the most part, I'm happy with it. The similar sounds in the chorus (chord progression) while, not a big problem, was being lazy.
2) It's a first draft. There are only a handful of lyricists that can write a tune in one sitting. I should not have posted this until I had spent more time on it. That would have I'm sure, remedied the "sound alike" thing.
3) I wrote and edited at the same time. That's a no-no. I'm not that freakin' good!
In other words, I tried to re-write as I went along. Uh, uh. Doesn't work. Write hard, fast and rough, then smooth it out later....a few days later.
4) The harmony's are just really bad. But as an excuse... it was late .... very late...
And that's not an excuse, but a cop out. I know the harmonies I want, but I didn't get there on this first round.
5) If you notice on almost every line I sing, the last note of each line goes down. I did nothing to surprise you, the listener. I should have changed tactics.
6) While the overall lyric is ok, it's not an earth-shattering or a great introspective lyric. It's just a simple thing. In almost all of my early writings, I would go overboard on complexities. I would try to make the lyric deeper than it really was. I'm disgusted at that. But I'm changing how I write from just a few months ago. I'm amazed how many simple lyrics are written but how deep and complicated they are. And that's sorta-kinda what I need to do. I need to find the avenue to take me in that direction.
So, bottom line is I didn't even give this a chance to ferment. I rushed it. It's going back to the garage.
**
Les
PS...... and I didn't even touch on my guitar playing.... ack