Folks,
There are a lot on new people on the forum so I thought I'd open this discussion with a couple of my own thoughts on song writing.
It's a tough nut. I mean, it's not easy to write a song. It takes work. It takes diligence. It takes experience. And much more than that, it takes stamina. Very few people are blessed with the gift of lyric writing. Everyone else has to "
work" at it. And that folks, is the way it is. Point blank.
I recently wrote a song/lyric titled '
Life Is Fine'. The folks who responded were positive about the song. So I submitted '
Life Is Fine' to my song writing mentor in Nashville. Mind you, I cannot reveal who that person is per their request. However, I will say, that I am "
in school" at
SongU. I am learning to be a song writer. I also fervently hope, by my open discussion of my own work, both seasoned and would be writers take pen in hand and get to work!
I have no fear of writing a lyric because I can only get better. That's how bad I am!
I have no fear or embarrassment to not only post my lyrics but to post a professional review of my lyrics to you all. I maintain an open policy in that reqard.
You can hear my '
Life Is Fine' @
MySpace, yes that's a plug and appeal for "add me".... or
SoundClick, nothing less than a blantant request for hits and/or @
Frogs Music, my home base, in which nothing matters except you hear my song, thank you! These are the
original lyrics as posted here @ GFB & B and sent to my pro advisor. And read them here .....
Chapman Jones
08/13/06
Life Is Fine
*****************************
[V1]
Getting long in the tooth
Hell and gone from my youth
Getting tired when I know I'm not
No point remembering what I forgot (D)
[V2]
It's so easy to let things go
No reason to put on a show
No need to bleed on future days
They're bound to come and go anyway (D)
[Chorus]
Life is great
Life is fine
I won't hesitate
To take whats mine
[Post Chorus]
Gonna do what I want, now
Gonna take my time
Lay it on the line
It ain't no crime when life is fine
[V3]
The best is yet to come
The game's isn't done
My piece is moving around the board
Passing go, collecting rewards
[V4]
When the payoff hits
And it's time to split
I'll blow this joint and hit the road
There's one more place I gotta go
[Chorus]
Life is great
Life is fine
I won't hesitate
to take whats mine
[Post Chorus]
Gonna do what I want, now
Gonna take my time
Lay it on the line
It ain't no crime when Life is fine
Addendum
I paid the price
Got a little slice
Of heaven on earth
Life is fine
And you've waited long enough, here is my Mentor's critique of Life Is Fine.
I have hi-lighted important passages. At least important to me.
LYRICS
Hi Chapman, I see by your profile that you're interested in becoming a better songwriter in order to record your own songs independently. Excellent! Since you're going to be the artist, you have a
LOT more leeway in the way you write and whether or not you adhere to strict craft or not. So, I'll approach my evaluation with all of these things in mind. I like the overall feel of this song. It's light and airy and it goes well with the title "Life is Fine" which is also light. My biggest comment lyrically is simply that I have NO idea what this song is about. As a listener I am confused and perplexed right from the get-go. On the one hand you're saying that you're getting old and tired (which doesn't sound all that positive) and on the other hand you're saying "life is great, life is fine." Well, which one is it? I like and understand the concept of getting to a point in your life where you're just going to do as you please and not worry about a bunch of stuff. And that's a very positive thing. But that's not what I took away from this song. So, if that's what you were going for, I missed it. One of the reasons for my confusion factor is simply because the lyrics are full of cliches: "getting long in the tooth" "hell and gone" "let things go" "put on a show" "bound to come" "I won't hesitate" "take what's mine" "best is yet to come" "when the payoff hits" "hit the road" And there are
MORE than this...
I'm only in the third verse. The trouble with using a
whole bunch of cliches is that they keep everything at a very surface level emotionally.
I don't FEEL any attachment to the song. And I'm not sure that I believe that the singer thinks "life is fine." There's just
no emotional connection with your listener. Cliches are also very vague and general. So, to create a stronger impact with your lyrics,
I suggest eliminating cliches and adding in more specific details and imagery to allow the
listener to become emotionally involved in your song. Whether you are the singer or not, you want your song to connect with your listeners! Check out LYR 250/251 Successful Lyric Writing for more info and help in this area.
MUSIC
Musically, I like the overall feel, as I said above. The instrumentation and rhythm is good and I think appropriate for the song. I'm having a little bit of trouble following and remembering the melody in the verses in particular, though. Some of it, I think, is
because the number of syllables in your verses differs. For example, in verse 1 the first line "getting long in the tooth" has 6 syllables while the first line of the second verse "it's so easy to let things go" has 8 syllables. This might seem like a minor difference,
but it can throw off your melody or make you cram syllables together. And sometimes it's not the number of syllables but
where the emphasis of syllables is. Second, the section that you've noted as a "bridge" actually sounds more like a chorus. This is the melody that I remember the most and it contains your title as well. So, it sounds like the hook and chorus of your song. In fact, it sounds more like a chorus than your actual chorus does. You may want to find a way to combine these two sections or simply eliminate your current chorus. MUS 130 Musical Elements of a Successful Song and MUS 150 Music Theory are two great classes for helping in this area.
ORIGINALITY
The idea of getting older and doing what you want has been done plenty of times. And the phrase "life is fine" is pretty generic sounding.
Finding a more unique way of saying this would add a lot to the interest of this song. Maybe when you rewrite the lyrics to include more details and imagery something will pop out to you.
COMMERCIAL VIABILITY
With the general/vague lyrics, I'd have to say that
this song doesn't have commercial potential in its current form. However, with the overall positive feel of the song, it's possible that you could rewrite this so that it did. Also, since you're really interested in keeping this as YOUR own song. You have many more outlets and possibilities.
Think about film and TV pitches, independent artists, overseas artists, corporations or other organizations that could use this in videos or advertisements (like AARP, or various drug companies---can't you hear a Viagra commercial singing "Life is Great, Life is Fine, I won't hesitate, to take what's mine"?! Think outside the box. [my note here..isn't that cool! ..]
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Since you have the goal of becoming a "better songwriter," Chapman, I want to encourage and challenge you to work toward
taking your lyrics to the next level.
Finding a way to connect emotionally with your listeners will help you find your own unique audience base. Also, to make sure that you gain the most benefit from the courses here on SongU, please remember to take your time with them. Take them slowly to allow the information to really sink in. And, of course, feel free to repeat courses. You'll be surprised what information you may have missed the first time around, simply because you weren't ready for it. Best of luck to you!
******************
And there you have it folks. A real life scenario.
This IS the way it IS. A clean cut to the bone critique. An in depth review,
by a pro that is accomplished and well known in the Nashville Network. It just don't get no better than this. Live & Learn!
Awesome. How to Write Songs - 101. And that's the fact, Jack.
**
Les