[allthumbs]

*Cause he couldn’t see the way
For the light could not be seen
Not knowing the safest way-- no path to guide him through his day
Or where to find the means-- no place to find the means.

You needed to have only one way in the verse. Just an idea.


All the thoughts he cannot keep
Though the cold still burns him deep
In the darkness of the night
He still won't let go the fight. (flows better and gives more info as to his charactor)
Still he carries on the fight (this line in the chorus changes each time)


But all he keeps inside
What he’s got, for all these bribes---- he- those,past tense unless he is still taking them.
Isn’t there for you to see
What is left that shall not be


For a man who paid the price
Through the glimmer of the night
With another throw of the dice
He sees this, his one last right*
I would change right to rite as in ritual. He is fighting because he always has fought, there is no joy in it anymore. He is old and tired.


The old man begins to crawl
Where once he had stood tall-- when once he stood so tall
A proud man used to stand--A proud man on his knees
A man who stood so grand *--no one to heed his pleas

The strongest man who ever stood
Through all that seamed to be true --through all that seemed so true
That never did much good --It never worked out as it should
Standiing in this endless queue-- now he is standing in this queue


Now he is standing in this queue- not endless. ends in the next verse.

The time line needs to be changed here fog lifts, then light


And as the fog lifts high
He knows (the) end is nigh-- his
Now through the light he has seen
He’s not the man he should of been

The last verse doesn't really work. Too generic. You may want to rethink it.


While his clothes turn white *
When he nears upon the gate *
He walks towards the light *
And he comes to see his fate *

That last verse is going to be tough. I think it needs to signify his death and redemption both. I hope I haven't stepped on the feel you were going for in this tune. I see it as a strong, proud man who made some bad choices that affected the rest of his life. His pride kept him going even though his heart wasn't in it anymore. I see his death as making peace with himself and the choices he made. Lets think about a last verse for a while and see what pops up.