The Darkness Of The Night
--------------------------
[Verse 1]
An old man walks the road--A
Where a young boy once had strode--A --looking behind
But he just begins to see--B
Just who he used to be--B
Though he couldn’t see the way--A -- looking ahead. join them by changing Though to
For the light could not be seen--B-----Cause he couldn't see the way.
Not knowing the safest way--A
Or where to find the means--B
[Chorus]
All the thoughts he cannot keep--A
Though the cold still burns him deep--A
In the darkness of the night--B
Still he carries on the fight--B
[Verse 2]
But all he keeps inside--A
Isn’t there for you to see--B
What has he got, for all these bribes--A
What is left that shall not be--B
For a man who paid the price--A
Through the glimmer of the night--B
With another roll of the dice--A--who rolled the dice
Where its all been done in spite--B--who was spiteful?
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
The old man begins to crawl--A
Where once he stood tall--A
No prouder man ever (*) stood--B--the last to lines don't flow very well IMO
Way back in his man hood--B
Strongest man across the land--A
Can you ever understand--A
Just what this mans been through--B
Standing in this endless queue--B
[Chorus]
[Verse 4]
Now through the light he sees--A
He’s not all that he could be--A--
And as the fog lifts high--B
He knows the end is nigh--B
When his clothes turn to white--A--complete change in rhyming pattern
As he prepares to die--?
He contemplates his fate--?
And walks towards the light--A
I wrote out the rhyming pattern for you. As you can see, you used two different patterns. the AABB and the ABAB. usually you would use just one. You could have treated it as an extended pattern if you were consistent and went AABBABAB, repeat for the song. The verse with the ? is where you broke both patterns.
A good story but, it leaves some questions. What would make a proud strong man take all those bribes? There are some nice turns of phrase in there and some good imagery. I could see John Prine singing this. It just needs a little more polish and understanding of rhyme patterns. Good one.
|