[allthumbs]

Sorry. Never got around to this one.

Originally Posted by hilch

Here is my latest offering as far as writting goes , hope it reads to others like it reads to me ...........


Blood , Sweat and Tears


We were only very young -- You don't need the word only
Not knowing what would become- You need to settle on a rhyming scheme. It seems
Of our care free lives -some what haphazard.
Never any dark cloudy skies
For we were so very young


Then we went and got married
I remember over the threshold you were carried
Those days seem so real
Dreams we only dared to dream
When we were so very young


For all our ...blood sweat and tears -why blood, sweat and tears?
All of our ..love calms our fears
Haveing kids , raising this family
Thats' all our blood sweat and tears


The perfect skies have now disappeared - this verse contradicts love calms our fears
We now know what did become
Of our young care free lives
Only ever dark cloudy skies- why
We are now not so young


But I wouldn't change it for the world
I'm still in love with the same girl
Never thinking about what if's
Your love is my gift


For all our ...blood sweat and tears
All of our ..love calms our fears - don't need the word all.
Haveing kids , raising this family
Thats' all our blood sweat and tears

---------------

Trev

So you have 2 themes in this tune. One is young love based on hope. The other is love in spite of adversity. You need to define the transition. Maybe a chorus or bridge to define the change in perspective. Explain what happened. The imagery needs to be sharper.