I made a discovery in "Hearts In Good Care" that is a classic example of a
timing problem. It was very subtle and nearly got away from me.
What is timing? Well, there are two timing things going on in a song. The most obvious is the beat or
time as in
3/4 or
4/4 time.
The less obvious is
lyrical timing. What comes first? The chicken or the egg, though I heard this week scientists have solved that little brain-teaser.
Lyrical timing is
when something takes place within the story line of the lyric.
Here's my Hearts In Good Care
timing issue.
The original 4th verse went like this...
Line 1) When the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 2) And the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care
Can you see the timing problem? If so, Cudos to you! Clancy, ring them chimes! If not, don't worry about it! I'll explain it all.
The timing issue is between lines 1 and 2. I wanted to create the image of changing seasons. If you'll notice, I reference the season
fall in the first line,
summer in the second line and
autumn or fall again in the third line.
It's out of sync, fall, summer, autumn/fall. A lyrical timing problem. So to fix it, which because of my rhyming scheme, turned out to be fairly simple, I did ....
The revised 4th verse ...
Line 1) When the long days are shortened by summer's last call
Line 2) And the maple trees blush with the coming of fall
Line 3) As evenings cool down breathing autumn's sweet air
Line 4) We'll be as warm as two.... hearts in good care
See what I mean? The image I wanted to create by using a seasonal change now makes perfect sense in the revised verse, whereas it did not in the original verse. The flow even feels and sounds better in the revised verse. My idea is now very clear and the listener
does not get confused by a timing problem. And now, neither do I!
Of course, it's not a do or die thing, but it is an important part of lyric writing. Thats why I re-write, re-write, re-write....
Hope this helps someone out there in lyrical writer land!
Les