[Nem]

thanks for the comments

Originally Posted by allthumbs

The last line of the verse is a little awkward and suggests a finality that isn't reflected in the rest of the song.

oh right, when i wrote it i wanted that line to sound quite final because I was hoping the chorus would kinda give the feeling that everything has ended but I wanna get it all back.
was that not the feeling you got? what was the message you got from the chorus?

I think the song would work better all in past tense but, that's just me.

yep, I kinda agree with you. if i keep everything in past tense then it gives the sense that it is all over. however would it be weird if i kept the first verse in a present tense just to say that although it is all over, these are the feelings im having now?
i dunno if it would be confusing to have a song written in 2 tenses

I think the chorus could be reworked for more focus." and will wait for my life" Waiting for what? It seems to be an unfinished thought

well the waiting was i guess in reply to waiting for tomorrow. the metaphor i tried to use was her being my sunrise, and the next one obviously comes tomorrow, so by waiting for tomorrow, im waiting/wanting her to come back, and i dont care if i wait the rest of my life for it. BUT see i thought it was a clever sentence in that it could mean 1) i will wait the rest of my life for her or 2) she was my life and im waiting for it to come back

tbh im not sure how i could say all of that in one line lol