[starsailor]

+1 to what Nutty and Eddie said there are quite a few lines that rhyme and it does appear a bit long, I write some long songs, so I haven't got a strong view on that, as you say it comes in at 3 minutes so it depends what kind of tune you're putting to this, this is quite a personal song Buchanan and does contain some anger, if you keep all the rhyming lines it depends how you emphasize them in the song the end of the lines can emphasize a feeling of anger, if you're moving at that pace I'd assume you're doing quite a heavy song say metal or something along those lines, is that the style you're looking at?
I'm no expert on songwriting but I agree that if you have a thought or a feeling be it good or bad or you hear something said that you like you should get it on paper as soon as possible and take it from there so I agree with Nutty on that one.
As you develop this song you will change things as you build it, I like what you're doing Buchanan it's always good to see people writing songs.
Hope things work out for you, we all have good times and bad times and it's not always easy to roll with the punches.
I look forward to seeing where you go with this song and to hearing it

Best Wishes

Chris