Quote:
Originally Posted by starsailor
Hi Kenny........ so see what you think
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Well Chris, this looks good but...I have to repeat myself from another post, I think it's quite long. Now I understand that the arrangement could make short work of it, but I can't see telling the story with emotion at the pace it would require to keep it reasonable in length. It's a very good story IMO. One thing I've noticed is the structure of some of these you've posted. They seem quite original I'll say and leave it at that. Myself, I tend to set a cadence with the syllables as they seem to flow better...again IMO. Maybe it's our different backgrounds and cultures, who knows? I think you have a talent for telling a story in your lyrics and I enjoy them all, I think{I'm doing that alot today, no wonder my head hurts..lol} if you can tighten up the structure, say what you want with less lines/words there would be no stopping you. Yes I know the nature of how it's put to music is the tell all of if it works or not, but thats what you get for asking me what I think.{LOL}
Heres a take on how I would do this if I had had the original thought.....I may regret this, but...what do you think?
Echoes in time (X4rewrite)
The music store still stands on the south side of town
Guitars in the window could use a dusting down
Cared for by an old man who once was somebody
A flower child dependent on his memories
His little shop at one time was the talk of town
He stocked the finest guitars for miles all around
Well known big name players would travel from afar
just to hangout with him, and watch him make guitars
The old man hesitates
As he flips the open sign
Now the music has all gone
it's just echoes left in time
The store was once so vibrant, jam sessions would flare
Attracted pretty girls with flowers in their hair
Girls are now grown women the flowers have all died
Stars have gone and faded their guitars put aside
He stares at the window painted words of closed down
pauses for a moment takes one last look around
like those days of yesteryear once again he's free
As his mind drifts off to a place in memory
The old man hesitates
As he flips the open sign
Now the music has all gone
it's just echoes left in time
found him in the back room clutching an old guitar
now he's on his own tour amongst the other stars
Music life was good to him, like an easy chair
Now he's joined the others he knows he's welcome there
Now I think of that old man
When I see an open sign
How the music has all gone
it's just echoes left in time