[starsailor]

Originally Posted by allthumbs

evocative. I agree with X. The third verse needs work. I think once you pare it down to fit whatever song structure you choose, it will come together nicely. Looking forward to hearing the finished work

Thanks for having a look Allthumbs, just needs a bit more work, the feedbacks important for me it gives songwriters a chance to polish their work so I find this forum invaluable as a learning aid