Good stuff man! Wish I could offer you advice, but I'm still learning some metal techniques myself so I can't be of much help. Only thing I could say would be to add a little palm muting in it. There is no shortage of Dream Theatre enthusiasts out there that could likely advise.
They have an almost cult-like following, kinda like Metallica back in the 80's. My favorite tune by them is Pull Me Under. Not as heavy as some of their other stuff but those guys are straight up technicians! Very professional sound.
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