Good stuff, empirex89, you've got a lyric that will work. It says something, there's rhyme and rhythm and the whole thing is coherent. The only suggestions I would make are that you may have trouble with lines that are too long and with some verses being longer than others, but this may not matter if you find a melody that fits what you've written. A great start; let us know how you go with writing a melody.
Stephen
Lennox Head, Australia
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