Hi Trev--
Just a couple of thoughts...
The first thing I see is that it really seems you don't have any or a memorable hook line. I guess if you consider
Will we ever see that world
Where freedom just isn't another word
The hook line, it could work, but I think it could be made more memorable. Something like, Will we ever see that world where freedom ain't a store-bought word? Something that's said bit differently that makes the audience think about what you've said.
The other stanzas are a good start. I guess it always depends, but I see where the first two stanzas are one verse, then the chorus and then another full verse. After the next chorus I think if you came up with a bridge section before the final chorus that would top it off.
Great start!
Steve
Quote:
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Originally Posted by hilch
News
I watched the news today
It left me in a sad sad way
All those children dying
And so many women crying
Those petty politians lieing
Their innocence lost forever
Childhood so ghastly severed
Their taument will live ever
Why does it have to go on
I don't care who is right or wrong
Will we ever see that world
Where freedom isn't just another word
Mr Lennon sang about it
Soldiers died around it
Will we ever see that world
Will we ever see that world
Will we ever see that world
Where freedom isn't just another word
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Feedback is always welcome , and if there is something in there that just don't work for you say so please , I want to get better at writting and bad reviews are just as important as good ones people ..
Cheers
Trev..
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